Saturday, July 30, 2011

Revealing Myself


Today, it is over 100 degrees.

However, I'm currently wearing a heavy sweater, sitting inside my nicely air conditioned house. My current mood is somewhere between "meh" and "blah". So I decided to do the most writing I've done in quite some time.

Here's where I stand right now.

1. I quit my job. So I'm unemployed and loving life.

2. On the day I quit my job, I discovered that one of my (now former) coworkers has a brother who's an author and into the publishing biz. So he gave me his information. Monday I'm planning on e-mailing him asking for advice to get this thing done.

3. My sister came home (2 weeks ago) and we...have nothing to do. But we did go shopping a few days ago. Which is where I got this sweater.

4. I have just over 3 weeks until I hit the road to my new home.

5. I have no idea where this new home will be...considering my school "denied" my housing. We're calling everyday until they give me a room...but no guarantees.

You might notice some changes around the blog today. First off, there's a new picture. Mickey Mouse and his conductor friend. Awww. :)

Secondly, there's a new name. No, not the title. But rather, my name.

You see, dear reader, previously I had always signed off with some anonymous name. My screen name for Blogger was technically "Fiction".

However, I decided that this needed to be changed. Most of you know me anyway, considering my biggest incoming sources are from Facebook, Twitter, and G+. You know me, either personally or not, and I figured I'd stop hiding in the shadows of anonymity.

This sad, though, not all of you are from my small group of friends. In the last two weeks, I've had several international readers: India (welcome!), Malaysia, Germany, etc. Additionally, I'm getting a large source from some online degree websites (one of you should leave a message to tell me why I'm getting you as a source). None of you probably know me at all.

So to my new and old readers, I must admit to you that my name is Chelsea.


Now I feel free, open. Whooo!

Not a lot to update you all on this week, but I figured an update in itself would be nice.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

People are Stupid (and other news)

So in my state of mind last post, I totally forgot something quite important.


Where to start?

First off, my sister came back in town.

I'm sure a lot of you who actually know me are confused, thinking, "You have a sister?"

Yes. And no.

See, in Senior year, she was my exchange sister. We became very close, to where we consider ourselves blood sisters. In fact, many people believe we're twins (I mean, we were born only 3 weeks and 5,000 miles apart). It's absolutely wonderful to have her back.

I still haven't heard anything back from agents which means either 1) They haven't gotten to my query yet or B) They think my book sucks ass and don't have the courtesy to send a rejection letter.

My vote is on the 2nd.

There's only 5 more work days until I am able to quit my job. My first job, and hopefully my last in retail. Lesson learned in the whole 14 months experience: People, in general, are stupid. Like the dude today who told me something was my fault when, in all actuality, it was his. And my death glare let him know.

I pick up and move in 32 days. Or 31. Which ever. 5 weeks from tomorrow, I'll be moving into my new home. I'm so flipping excited.

I was one of the crazy people who waited in line for 9 (count 'em, 9) hours for Harry Potter 7.2. And it was so totally worth it. Even the hangover I had for my 8 hour shift the next day was worth it. Good film.

Yet sad.

I don't remember if I've talked about this on the blog before, but Harry Potter was the first ever chapter book I read (sidenote: I just mispelled "read"...which is a shame because I've been reading longer than it would seem). Way back in 1st grade, my parents would read me books at night, but I wanted more. Hey, I was a pretty smart kiddo. So I went into my brother's room, and amongst all of the Goosebumps books and found a brand new book--Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (this was the legit English version).

So I read it and the obsession began.

I devoured every book as it came out. When the movies were announced, I nearly flipped out and demanded to be taken to London to be Hermione Granger (just FYI, it didn't happen). When the internet became big, or when I started to notice it, I would get on to and read every Harry Potter story I possibly could.

I got the magazines. I got the t-shirts. I made drawings of the characters and costumes. Dressed up on Halloween. And memorized chapters at a time.


Then my parents told me to cool it. So I got rid of all of that stuff. But there was only one outlet for Harry left...writing.

In 5th and 6th grade, I wrote 5 HP short stories (remember when I was a copycat...that would be the first 2). Then, the summer before 7th grade, while I was recovering from surgery, I started my first ever book.

And here we are, 6 years later.

So the ending of the movie saga, which followed the ending of the books, was a sad moment for me.

My inspiration is over.


(PS. The whole thing on the last blog, about the boy, I was the girl. But it couldn't be, for obvious reasons. So now that that's over, it's time to move on. I promise, no more posts like that again til it's the real deal.)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Waking Up on the Wrong Side (of the World)

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and ultimately feel...blah?

Sort of empty?

That's how my day started this morning.... Last night, I stayed up late, talked to some friends, and made a few realizations about myself. Including the fact that I'd fallen way too far for a guy friend of mine, despite the fact that I'm moving in less than 6 weeks.

Dear reader, you must know by this time that I have absolutely no luck with relationships. They all either end badly...or never really happen in the first place.

This guy...he's, well, he's hard to read. We're quite close, without being together always. He always talks about liking someone. Perhaps it's me...but somewhere in my life, a seed of doubt has been planted in my mind, always saying "This guy will never like you. No guy will ever like you."

He may or may not be different from the others. With all my heart, I wish that he was.

And with all of my heart, I wish it would work out.

But see, while I was sleeping, the realization sunk in that I will be moving in 5 weeks. And he will be staying. And I'll be left wishing I'd noticed things earlier so maybe fate had path to cut.

On top of that, the friends I talked to last night... I, well, I asked the wrong questions of them. Fights ensued, many in my mind, some in person.

A war rages on in my head, grappling between wanting to tell this guy how I feel, to how stupid I was to have had some conversations.

And this morning, with all of that to sleep on...I woke up wrong. There's a strange feeling inside my heart, inside my whole body, just pulling me down like a dead weight.

But the feeling is emptiness.

Just like last time's loud silence, this is the heaviest emptiness I've ever had.

And I'm stuck here, in my mind...clueless. What do I do? Where do I go? Do I continue to go along with the path of life? Or do I take a shot, even if it doesn't end well?

While working, all of the events from the last 24 hours pressed themselves upon me. And like any writer, I knew that there was only one solution: To write it out. Create a story using the real life events.

Except in that case, it will most likely end up happy.

Life...well, I'm not too sure.

And I can't help but feeling that the sooner I escape from this life, the better. The sooner I start out on my own adventures, the happier things will get.

Today, I realized that my whole life, I've been waking up on the wrong side of the world.

But no more.


Saturday, July 9, 2011

Turn it Off

Turn off everything. All your lights, your iPod or radio, silence your cell phone, shut off the TV and turn off the air conditioning. All of it, just turn off (except for the device on which you're reading this, silly).

Do you hear that...?

If not, the answer should be just this: Silence.

Absolute, complete, undisturbed silence.

Rarely in today's world do we ever hear this lack of sound. Everywhere we go, everything we do, is dedicated to technology and all the sights and sounds that go along with it.

You can be texting on your iPhone, updating your facebook status, listening to your music, watching a video on Youtube, going grocery shopping and watching the televisions at the registers all at the same time. Millions of things to see, and even more to hear.

Sensory overload.

It's just too much.

Don't get me wrong, I love technology. Hell, I'm listening to some pretty awesome tunes right now as I'm typing this out to you on my phone.

But somehow, despite all of this advanced technology, I can't help but feeling like sometimes our society takes it just a step too far.

What gets me thinking about this?

Well sometime last week, there was a fire at the electrical plant near my house. My entire city, and those surrounding, are all entirely powered by this plant. The fire made it all stop.

Houses went dark.

Televisions turned off.

Radios were silenced.

The internet went down.

I was at work, in one of the biggest sensory overloaded places in the world. It was like a big shudder as the lights flickered and shut off (imagine the final moments on the Titanic (you can click on that FYI)). The televisions near my register completely turned off. The air conditioner shuddered to a halt.

I had no idea things could get that silent.

We closed the store to customers and did other things inside to clean up and organize...and as we sat folding clothes, we could hear each of the generators turning off one by one. And with every one, I felt that much smaller. The world was becoming vast as it slowly shuddered to a halt.

It was a curious sensation.

I can't entirely say I enjoyed being without the air conditioner or the lights...but it was almost like being able to step back from the hustle and bustle of life for the briefest of moments and realize that technology is not the entirety of life.

Despite ourselves, we CAN go on without it. We can survive.

Eventually, the lights turned back on, as well as the cash registers, the refridgerators, the air conditioning, the televisions, the bathrooms, the fire alarms, and palm pilots. Life restarted.

But for those few short hours, I felt closer to finding my true self than I have my entire life combined.


Sunday, July 3, 2011

When Can I Stop Lying?

I was watching this movie the other day....

I don't remember what it was...

But one of the lines that stood out to me was at the end, the man was telling his new woman "I really love you. You're the only person I've never lied to..."

Oh, oh, oh, I just remembered. Just Go With It with Adam Sandler.

Good film.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Remember how we had a discussion earlier that I'm a bitch? Since watching this film...I realized something else.

I'm a compulsive liar.

I just can't stop lying. To everyone. My friends, my family, people I don't even know.... They get a strange mix of some truth and a lot of lies.

I can count 15 I told today alone. Multiply that by everyday...

It's a bad habit. I really need to stop. But the problem is I don't know how. I don't know how to get these stupid little stories out of my head, all of which make me seem like I'm a more awesome person than I actually am.

Ok, maybe in ALL TRUTH, I am pretty awesome. But here's the problem...I have a low self-esteem. A negative self-image. I'm always the enemy to my progression in life.

So I'm beginning to wonder, will there ever be a person that I don't have to lie to...ever? I'm tired of lying. I want to be myself, no matter how lame or awesome I might be.

Like always, I'm looking for that one person.

But maybe, along the way, I can learn to stop lying to everyone else.

In other news, I am amazed at everyone who came out and read my last posting. I used to be amazed when a post would recieve 10 or 11 views... But this last one had 34 within the first day. And then many of my other posts were read as well. Also, I want to give a big thank you to my new followers. Hi! You guys are so awesome.

Do you hear me? YOU'RE awesome!

Next in our line-up...I have writers block.

I've been working on my last book for so long, from finishing it, to editing, to rereading, to editing, to sending off queries... And now that I'm trying to sit down and write this next story stuck in my's like I've forgotten how.

I can't stand it.

But, you know what? I'm gonna make it through. No more 3 year breaks!

And I'm not lying about that. Really.


Friday, July 1, 2011

Gotta Be True to Your Heart

Right now it's 11:03 PM.

Friday, July 1st.

I'm listening to some Rihanna.

Gourging myself with my water bottle.

And really wishing I were wearing my glasses.

Ah, that's better.

Dear reader, in the Great-Place-of-Wherever-I-Live they have legalized fireworks. This is great for events like New Years and 4th of July. However, they're also legal for the 2 weeks surrounding the holidays.

Dear reader, I have many, many drunk neighbors.

This is not good.

So in lieu of sleeping, or playing Tetris, I have decided to write a blog post.

Isn't it wonderful?!

Of course, it would make it even better if I knew what I was even going to talk about....

Well, let me start off with a story. Not a creative writing story, but rather a true life story of what has happened.

Long ago, when I was in elementary school, I was the obnoxious, smart, fat girl. And awkward, too. As a child, I had a hard time coping with a lot of things, like making friends and feeling like I belong in this world. I was an outsider. In a way, I still am... But that is not our story. Rather, it begins, like many stories do... With a boy.

Before second grade, boys weren't really a big part of my life (see above). But when a new boy came...things started changing. His name was Tyler and he was just a cutie. All the girls in my grade and third grade loved him. While we weren't the best friends, we did get along well. Many of my early memories include him and an everchanging cast of characters. My first ever crush. I admired him from afar. I mean, what else are you supposed to do when they have cooties?

Anyway, long story short, the awkwardness within me never left before he did. Grades split when I was in fourth grade and our classes at that small class never coincided. The crush faded. He went off to sixth grade, then junior high.

I forgot all about him.

Until Senior year. I skipped a year somewhere in all that time, so we were now in the same class. Senior year, Humanities... First day, the teacher called out his name and my head snapped up. Across the room was a totally different boy. Still the same one that had been my first crush...but the years had changed him.

They changed all of us.

We never spoke, never related to the fact we survived the shady elementary school to lead normal lives (many others did not).

We were strangers.

And so the time passed. We both graduated and went off to college. New dreams ahead. Like so many others.

Early Wednesday morning, police recieved a phone call from Tyler. He and a friend had been shot. They both died.

Needless to say, the news shook many of us up. Thinking about this boy we'd all known as no's impossible to fathom. For young people, it is very hard to even contemplate the ending of life. Listening to news reports were even harder, hearing his family talk about all of his dreams and ambitions for the future.

He and his friend never had a chance to see them through.

And this is where my point is, dear reader.

I have been blessed with life. With ambitions. With a brain. And the will to put it all to use.

But I've been neglecting it.

With so many people my age either without a will, too drugged, or being shot...why am I not putting everything in my life to full use?

I'm capable of so much. We all are. Yes, even you.

So, here's my challenge to you. I'll even participate.

Go out. Enjoy life. Work hard. Do what you love. Don't settle for being a chemist if your real dream is to sing. Don't let anyone in your life, even your parents, tell you that you can't.

You can.

If you have a dream in your heart, if you could be eternally happy doing, even if it doesn't pay the it. I think having an accomplished, happy life is worth the years of Ramen noodles.

You have a shot at doing whatever your heart wants. Now follow through.

You have your life: Take advantage of that until you no longer have it. You might not be rich, famous, or whatever it is...but you will be admired.

Me? I'm going to start putting everything I have into my writing. I plan to be constantly surrounded by new things, learning and putting it into action. My goals are now surrounding stories that will help young people realize their matter how small. We are all destined for greatness.

If you can't do it for yourself, selfless person you are, then do it for Tyler. He had dreams of his own.

Now follow yours, no matter where they take you.