Who am I to jump right into the fray of new ideas after that last posting? If you recall, dear reader, my mind seemed to be racing in just about every direction about running away from dreams of relationships blah blah blah.
At that point, I bet you all were about ready to slam the off button on your computer in frustration.
You want a hashtag that perfectly explains my last post? #teenagegirlproblems
I'm getting over it. Also, dear reader, if you will notice that post was time stamped from some time after 10PM. You will quickly come to realize that my mind is not a reliable source after, oh 9PM.
Right now, it's 8:51. So we better hurry up.
Anywhom, my last post did try to prove a point...to myself. It was a "self-discovery" piece, if you will. Coming to the realization that all of these things are happening. Things you've wished for all your life. And yet I run from them.
Here's the thing. I'm fine right now. With all of it. For the first time in years, I'm finally starting to enjoy life again. I mean, I still have my own set of problems but I'm beginning to accept myself for who I am for the first time.
It's a liberating feeling.
So, let's jump back into that fray, shall we?
There's a long running joke between my friends and I that although I try my hardest to keep myself anonymous (no real name, changing my writings just enough to count, using broad references, etc) a vast majority of you know me. I post this blog on my Facebook and Twitter. That's where most of you come from. You know me.
However, I would like to report that in the last week, my blog has reached yet another continent.
Hello South America!
If you want a count right now, my blog has gone to: the US, Canada, Malaysia, France, Germany, Switzerland, the UK, Brazil, Belarus, and Iraq. Let me know if you have not been counted!
Thank you all for joining me.
And as for remaining anonymous, I do have some more news.
No, I won't reveal my true name tonight. Tonight.
However, when I last wrote on this subject, I did say that my book was done being edited by A. I got it back on Wednesday and oh gosh did I realize how giant it was.
320 pages, dear reader. That's the size of the first two Harry Potter novels combined (ish).
I am currently working on going through and reading A's edits whilst also adding many more of my own. See, I've never really edited it myself (cuz who wants to print off 300+ pages more than they have to?). It's gonna take a while, but it will be finished as soon as I possibly can.
Do you know what that means next?
Agents, dear reader. There is one agent in particular that I will be harrassing as much as I can because I believe we're the perfect fit. And after agents, comes publishers. Comes you purchasing my book at your local bookstore (or e-reader, but those are lame). Comes me having to tell you my real name and the title of my book so that I can push book sales and pay my way through college.
Well, sort of.
Anyway, that's the current status update on that topic.
Speaking of status updates....
Listen to this:
This song is currently on "repeat" on my iPod. Actually, it has been for about an hour and a half. I've become obsessed with it lately.
Listen to the lyrics:
"I think I'm ready to leap,
I'm ready to leave
I'm ready to go"
Right now, this is almost my perfect description. I know I'm commenting on how much I have to look forward to in the next few months: Quitting my job, my sister coming home, going to my new dream school, publishing my book...living life. I'm ready for all of it right now. However, the next set also explains me right now:
"Get me out of my mind,
get me out of my mind."
I know, how does that make sense at all? Well, I've also said how lately I've been losing friends. In the midst of life and moving forward...they've disappeared. I don't believe that I've felt quite as lonely before as I do now.
With a few exceptions, it seems as if no one will communicate with me.
No one wants to hang out.
Texting is non-existant.
All I do lately (when I'm not at work) is sit at home doing playing Spider Solitare or Mahjong Tiles. And doing a whole hell of a lot of social networking.
My mind, lately, is a series of status updates. Something. Anything. Perhaps if this is interesting enough, they'll talk to me. I'll feel like I belong.
Is it wrong to say I want attention? Cuz at this point, I feel like I'm in a deep pit looking up towards the light where the party is. I miss the days when I was in high school or when I volunteered that I was able to make plans and be with my friends at any given moment of the day. My phone was constantly "blowing up". I felt like I was a part of something.
Status update: Table for one?
Is anyone there?
Whilst I did say that I was beginning to accept myself for who I am and that I can move on from certain challenges and harships that I've faced in recent years...this is something I don't know if I can do it.
You more than likely followed me from some social networking site.
I'm not trying to get you to pity me. Hell, you don't have to talk to me if you really don't want to.
But it would be nice.