Friday, July 27, 2012

I'm on a Roller Coaster That Only Goes Up.

There's this really amazing author named John Green.

John is kind of one of those everyday, inspirational people. He could really be anyone, and is in fact an average husband, brother, son, and father. He trolls the internet looking for LOL's and spends his days video blogging with his brother.

Together, the two of them have created a save haven of sorts on the internet for kids, from 8 to 80 to enjoy and embrace their nerdiness. Their videos have taught many life lessons, as they examine what it's like to grow up and live in today's society when you don't care only about the latest celebrity gossip. They're two average people, but together they've basically changed a big part of the weird.

John is a best-selling author of half a dozen books. While he writes for the so-called "young adult" crowd, he writes some of the most inspirational words I think I've ever read. In his latest novel, called The Fault in Our Stars, he crafts a story around two almost adults who both have terminal cancer. The characters are very at ease with their condition, have come to accept it as a part of who they are, and refuse to stop living despite the very disease which threatens to end them.

At one point in the novel, one of the main characters, Augustus Waters, tells the girl, Hazel that he is "on a roller coaster that only goes up".

Inspirational.

And I can't help but think that this is the way I want to live my life. There's been a lot of shit going on in my life in the last year, as you're well aware of my dear readers. My own battle with my father's cancer and his untimely death, being forced to move 400 miles away from home to a place where I knew practically no one, the trials and tribulations of trying to make friends (let alone the RIGHT KIND of friends), and the constant struggle with school.

My life has been one challenge after another since August 9th, 2011. But there hasn't been a single day that goes by and I don't marvel at how far me and my entire family have come.

It still amazes me that it's almost been a year now, when it used to be that each passing day and week was a huge challenge.

But at the same time, I'm not happy with the way I've been living my life.

When I moved to California, I had no idea who I wanted to be. I'd just come out of years of depression just months before and hadn't been able to be myself in my first college.... I was in the process of rediscovering exactly who I was, to try and get back to the Chelsea that existed in high school, my crazy, zany self.

I didn't accept a lot about myself: For years I'd been tormented by others about my Disney obsession and my nerdiness. In my old hometown, it wasn't acceptable. Disney was for children. To be a nerd was to be a social outcast. Not to mention I didn't believe in anything, so strange from my highly religious town.

I was different and I didn't accept that.

Since moving to California, however, I've managed to not only accept it but embrace it. I found a group of friends who understands my obsessions, who I can feel at ease with, and who will always be at my side no matter what.

But when summer started, I went back to work, and they went home, things started changing. I started getting confused about who I was again.

There are times that I worry that I'm not a whole person. That maybe I have some sort of social disorder or something and that it's apparent to everyone but myself. Because social situations aren't exactly my strongest point. I can't make conversation, I can't deal with large amounts of people and feel like if I only know one person, I have to hang onto them. It sucks major time. Words can't express how much I fret about that. Or that maybe I too have cancer, but I'm too stubborn and scared to look into it.

So while trying to rerediscover myself (and obviously find people I was comfortable being the real me with) I made some social mistakes along the way. My social anxiety has caused me to lie about a few details in my life without thinking, maybe to make myself seem cooler or fit in or to see what people will say. It's that social outcast I was in my hometown coming out again, thinking that I'll never be a "cool" kid no matter how hard I try. Like I even care anymore.

To top it all off, I found out that I will not be going to Scotland in the Spring which just plain sucks.

Yet somehow I'm getting through it.

This most recent news however, has had me making weird changes in my life. Scotland was my last "out" that I was supposed to have before starting quote-on-quote "real life". But now that I'm not going, I've started thinking about the future.

In my hometown I never made real connections because I was too concerned about getting out and moving on with my life. I started doing that here, missing out on things because I would be getting out.

But now I'm staying.

I'm staying at Disney. Eventually I'll move up from working rides to being the person that designs them. I want an actual career here. And I'm going to have to stay in California in order to fulfill that dream.

Which means I can start settling.

It's a weird feeling, knowing that you're not gonna move away from a place for a long time. To not be afraid of making connections because you won't have to say good bye in a few months or years. I can start an actual life here.

And that's just weird.

I've never been able to do that before. It's just kind of happening now and it's a strange feeling. I'm not really too sure how i feel about it either.

But I'm learning, slowly but surely, that I have to make due with what I have. There are some things in life that I have control over, that I'm able to change and bend to my will.

But sometimes Fate has a different view on things and will have her way.

I'm accepting that. And I want to make a better life for myself. I want to be able to be happy no matter what obstacles are thrown my life. I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity and start living in the day and not in the foresight.

I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

You Should Forgive Me Because of Reasons

Ummm...hi there.

Hey guise.

I bet you're, uh, kind of mad at me. Because my last post was two months ago and it promised (after my month long break from posting) that I'd post more often.

So I guess I kind of lied.

Needless to say, that life has kind of been hectic lately.

I mean, since I talked to you last I started work. That's a whole lot of fun. I work at Winnie the Pooh and Fantasmic! I love it. Sadly, however, I was Seasonal so I haven't worked in a month. Luckily, though, I go back on Sunday. I missed it lots.

School is over this week, which is really scary. Right now, I've finished all but one of my finals (which isn't until Thursday) and I'm kind of freaking out because I keep thinking that 2 years ago I was graduating high school and in 2 years I'll be graduating college.

It's trippy.

On Saturday I'm moving to an apartment off campus, which is also really frightening because that means I'm, like, facing the real world of rent and cooking food and stuff. That scares me like no other.

Is this what growing up is like?

One minute you're sitting in your high school Econ class, going home to a cooked meal, and laundry done for you. And the next minute you're working 2 jobs, taking 24 units in college and paying rent? It's like we're kids and as soon as we blink, bam, we're adults with real lives.

It's not cool.

Words can't describe how much I wish I could go home this summer. True, I get to stay here and work at Disneyland. But there's just something about being able to go home and do nothing for three whole months. To be close to all of my friends and family and not have a care in the world.

And yet here I am. I'm not complaining. Just commenting.

I don't like growing up.

There's still no news of a boy in any part of my future. It took me up until a few weeks ago, but I finally gave up the boy that I've liked for quite some time. There truly was nothing real between us and I just couldn't bear my heart the pain of trying for naught any more.

It's sad because I'm at the age where I'm just about officially the only person I know who doesn't have a significant other. And it really sucks because then there's nights like tonight, where all my friends are with their people...and I'm left writing this blog post because I literally have nothing else to do.

That sucks. It sucks a lot.

Maybe. Maybe some point in the future.

Maybe not.

We'll just have to wait and see I guess. Just wait and see what comes with the future.

In other news...well, there really is no other news.

Still going to Scotland next Spring. In fact, I bought my plane ticket already.

Still loving my sorority.

Still living life as its thrown at me. A day at a time, I suppose. My amount of writing creatively is minimal, but hopefully I can bust something out this summer. This last semester was the final one of my GE's so now all I have left are Creative Writing and History courses.

So things should be getting a bit more creative around here. Who knows?

The fact that I'm writing this is a miracle.

Anyways, it's 11PM. I've been up since 7AM. I should probably be going to bed at some point in time soon.

Until we meet again.

Chelsea

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Dinosaur Apologies and Rants About Reality

Guys, it's been a month. I know what you're thinking.

"Who does this chick think she is? Dropping us like an old toy in the dirt and walking away for a month. Oh, now it's 1AM and now she thinks she can come back to us. No. NO!"

Well, uhm...yeah.

Look, I can explain. I've been super mondo busy. You have no idea. For the first time in almost 2 years, I actually have a life again and it was basically killing me for a good month. Now that most everything is over with, I can finally breathe. I thought about you, bloggy, I really did.

Sorry, people. I love you.

Here's this picture of a dinosaur to prove it:

See now. Doesn't that make it a little bit better?

Well, I tried.

Anyways.... I keep trying to remember what's happened in the past month and it's simply SO MUCH that I don't even know where to begin. Heck, I don't even remember what was going down last month. *Consults old posts* Ok, not much.

So...let's go in semi sequential order.

Sorority: Welp, I'm officially in a sorority. It sounds weird to say. I'm so used to the term having such a huge negative connotation back at home and the fact that I'm in a REALLY COOL sorority out here is a little strange. Like, not at all what I imagined. And it's pretty cool in it's own way. It's something I have to get used to, and we all know Chelsea reacts terribly to change.

But I like it. I really do. Heck, I like it enough that I'm going to have to wake up at 9AM tomorrow morning to hang out with them.

School: Ok, so a few things have changed with this since we last talked. I think. Well, ok, I just consulted the blog and apparently I told you that I added a major. Cool beans, cool beans.

HOWEVER, I don't think I told you that I'm going to Scotland next Spring (instead of a semester at sea). Pumped? You betcha. Especially because Brave comes out this summer and she's Scottish AND has red hair. We're practically twins already.

Job: My life got pretty awesome all of a sudden a couple of weeks ago. The time came for me to reapply to Disney. I'm like "whatever, cool, I get to wait another 6 months to reapply again". Within 12 hours of submitting an application, I walked out of Disney with a job. Yeah. It happened just like that. It's pretty fantastic and I don't want to say much else here. But I'm super excited you have no idea.

Writing: Not much has happened. I got the coolest rejection letter ever (where the agent said that she would totally take me if she hadn't already filled her quota). And then a few other boring rejection letters. I feel like this is going to be the year for me.

General: It was my birthday last week. Yayyyyy.

Relationships: Yup, still single.

However, I've decided that it's probably best for me to get over the guy I've been crazy about since I moved to California. It's hard, but I was tired of fooling myself. There was nothing there between us. I knew it all along. I thought that because we liked the same things that something, anything might happen. But it won't, and I have to accept that.

I yearn for something real.

I've been in that internal battle lately. I've been watching several of my friends going after each other and other people, looking for someone. Sometimes it's anyone. They get too crazy about people that it obviously isn't going to work with. They have nothing between them. But they build it up in their minds and it becomes something that appears in a reality all it's own. What's worse is they deny it when there is something there with a person. Something that could turn into every thing.

I want to know what it is for something to be real. I want it to appear out of nowhere. I want to know that the other person feels the same way that I do. For there to be something pure and real between us that can't be denied.

I have a bad habit of falling for the people that nothing will ever happen with. Either they live too far away or they're just impossibilities. And when they like me, I've done nothing but flee. I need to fix this.

I just want reality. Is that too much to ask?

I ranted on. I apologize for that. It's just the side affect of 3 cups of coffee and daylight savings time. I do crazy things.

(Plus, this blog has never been known for keeping on topic.)

I think that that's all for tonight, kiddos. Enjoy your 1 less hour of sleep (unless you live in Arizona or Hawaii). I'll try to be back in sometime less than a month.

Chelsea

Friday, February 10, 2012

Life Moves Pretty Fast. (If you don't stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it)

Life has it's ups and downs. I've learned that over the past....well, long while.

Yesterday it was 6 months since it happened.

So much has happened. I've hashed and rehashed this a million times. This week, however, has been particularly eventful.

So on Tuesday I was looking through my class schedule for the next few years and how many classes I would need each semester to graduate on time. Then I noticed a giant hole in my schedule. I had a major and a minor. But I have so many credits, that I could technically graduate a semester early.

No way in hell I was going to do that, again, though.

So I took a second look to see how many more credits it would be to make my minor into a major. Only 4 more classes?! Game! So in a matter of minutes, I switched to a Creative Writing and History double major. It's really kind of exciting because, I mean, now I might have an actually semi useful degree in there.

Then again a few nights ago, my roommate had announced she was rushing for a sorority. Having grown up practically down the street from the #1 party school in the nation, I've been dead set against being in one. But she persuaded me to tag along to an event, still closed minded.

Then they mentioned Harry Potter. And I was taken. They're absolutely nothing like my party school neighbors. So I'm going to be rushing for a sorority this semester. Kind of exciting actually. It might give me a chance to not be totally alone for the next 2 years, because that's how it's been seeming.

I don't need to remind y'all that it's Forever Alone Month. This year, more than any other year, it's been really upsetting. My biggest fear is being alone, in any respect. And now I live so far away from my family and friends and I have so few people here that I'm having to face this head on and it's freaking me out. Big time. All I want is to have someone to always hang out with. I got nothing.

So far, my Not-New-Years-Resolution-Resolution has been failing miserably. I had a very excellent chance a little over a week ago to actually put a foot forward and make things happen. To be even the slightest bit forward. And I couldn't even do that.

Honestly, I don't have much more to report on. It's taken me 2 hours to write this as it is. I promise I'll be more interesting soon.

Chelsea

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Social Cues.

I've been pondering this thought quite a bit over the last 48 or so hours.

We're all these people, trying to get to know and meet other people like ourselves. Find our niche, so to speak.

Many of you know that I fit a few different niches. For most of my life growing up (junior high and high school) I was always a part of the theatre niche. The vast majority of my friends were always with me in my theatre classes and every play.

While that was going on, I had a semi-separate school life where I met some fabulously awesome friends who I'm very close with. We're all smart and had the same upper division classes together throughout all of junior high and the friendship continued in high school.

Then there's my Disney life that wedged in there. I've met some really awesome people.

With each of them I'm a different type of person. I always knew who to be with whom. And I always had somebody to be with.

But then I came so far away from everything that I know, and came into programs that didn't involve 24/7 communication with the same people and no multiple classes with the same like-people.

I freaked.

We all know I've had major trouble making friends and whatever.

Lately I've taken to accepting my being a nerd. Not the dorky, math intelligent, has a gargle laugh, can encode websites nerd. But the "hey, I like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and 80's movies and being intelligent and reading" nerd. And I'm cool with that. The difficult part, however, is we're a dying race. And i've been somewhat secluded to this traditional idea of lonely nerd.

I usually eat at the school cafeteria alone. And as I was doing so the other day, another lonely girl came up to me. This was the kind of nerd that is the math and website nerd. She sat next to me as I was finishing up and tried to talk to me.

Quick as a wink, I was gone.

I'm a walking contradiction. Here is this girl that's obviously in the same kind of boat that I am. Social cues told me to reach out to her and see what we make of it.

I didn't listen.

I realized that while I might consider myself a form of nerd, I'm not this kind. In fact I'm a bit stuck up. Social situations have never put me in these shoes before. And while I was aware that social courtesy intended for me to be one way, I completely disregarded it.

And I still have my other alternative lives at home--theatre, upper division, and Disney.

The purpose of my last book was for my main character to choose one facet of her person that she could be the rest of her life. The three of them blended within her. She could be all of them, one of them, or none of them. Her choice altered the course of her life.

But I'm facing a problem where the facets of my own personality are blending together or fading away.

I have no social cues for where I am now. I don't know who I am now.

Am I one? Or am I many? Should I hang with that traditional nerd in my shoes or make different friends?

All I can do is take a stab in the dark and hope that it's right.

Chelsea

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I Ran a (half) Marathon!!!

Yup, that's right. 13.1 miles in 3:05:somethingsomething (Who really cares about those last few digits anyway?

But before I go into that, I guess I should explain that I'm back in California.

Hiiiiiiiiii. (:

So I came back Wednesday morning/afternoon. It was a pretty chill ride. I moved back in no problems and was all happy about being back.

And then it hit me. Boom. I was back in California. Ultimately alone. For another 5 months (and, I suppose, years to come). And I kind of came to the realization that I REALLY don't want to be here anymore.

Let me explain.

On Tuesday night, I was sitting with my mom watching TV while she paid bills (yay reality). Ever since my dad passed and we had to pay off a million things and lost income and I had a $50k tuition. I forgot if I mentioned it but I got accepted into a really good study abroad program where I basically get to go to about 15 countries in 150 days. For a girl who's never been out of the country EVER that's pretty cool (especially considering my last book took place in London...).

But here's the thing: They don't take my school's scholarships (which contributes to about 75% of my education fees). There's no way that I could afford it on my own. So I had to sit on the couch and tell my mom that my dream to do this program, the reason I came to this school in the first place...that I was willing to give it all up.

What a terrible lie.

Which explain why when I was in California by myself 14 hours later at a school that I didn't see a reason to be at anymore, where I have very very few friends, made me the tiniest bit upset.

And here I am. And here I'm forced to stay until I find the next place to wander to, hoping that that's the place that I belong.

And if not, then the cycle continues.

So promptly on Tuesday, I rolled out of bed, went for a quick 3 mile run, headed out to the pool (yes, in January...this is California after all), and proceeded to fill out 14 applications for jobs in the area. I turned in one application in person that day and got an initial interview which might lead to some good news in the next few weeks.

Then on Friday I handed out 4 more (only one was hiring), sent out another query letter, picked up my (half) marathon information, hung out at Disneyland for a while and that was a night.

Saturday=Disneyland and sleep (I was on old lady and went to bed at 7).

Which means this morning I woke up at 3 and proceeded to get ready for my half. Because it was at Disneyland and was called the Tinkerbell Half Marathon, I figured that wearing green was out of the question. So I was obviously Tiger Lily. And I pwned.

So I signed up for this thing in, like, June. And I've been halfassishly training because I really hate running. In fact, I only did this thing to prove that I could. Inhaler and all.

And now that I'm done, I'm pretty good. I'll find a new activity because running is terrible.

Here's my medal.


Isn't it shiny????

Anyway. I finished. I'm done. No more running.

Ok, I might do a 5k every once in a while. But mostly cuz those aren't timed.

True story, when I crossed the finish line, I really didn't feel any sense of accomplishment. My first thought was "ok, it's time to go home now".

When I did, I took off my Cancer Sucks wristband that I had for my dad. By finishing this race, I finished the need to have it.

Life goes on, after all.

School starts back up tomorrow. Despite me not wanting to even be here anymore, I'm gonna have to suck it up. 

Hopefully things go better with the guy I'm trying to get the courage up to ask out and get to know better. No, I haven't forgotten my Not-New-Years-Resolution. (As a side note, though, things do seem to be going in a better direction already.)

Maybe I'll find a new dream. [Yes, that WAS a Tangled reference. How good of you to notice.]

We'll have to see.

As for now, I must leave you.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Blogspot is Being Stupid

(I apologize for the really far scrolling. I don't know how to fix it. Blogspot is stupid.)

Hello!!!!!

Hello?!

...hello?

Ahem. Is anyone still reading this thing...?

It's been 2 weeks. That's a long time. In the past two weeks, I've been to the other side
of the country and back, and on two separate road trips and four different climate zones.
 I've run 14 miles...but not all at once.

I'm semi-exhausted. Leaning on the verge of psychosis.

I always ask this (but I genuinely care)...how are you, Dear Reader?

Right now I'm in a million moods.

I move back to California in less than 48 hours.

I have a half marathon on Sunday.

I need to find a new physical activity after I'm done running.

On that constant search for an agent to represent me.

I have BOOKS to read and write.

Gah. Frustration.

I had this really long topic that I wanted to discuss, dealing with my lack
of religion and belief and how I think that it might change one day, but I just
didn't want to rant on about that.

So we're gonna leave this post short.

Florida was fantastic. Despite having to go with my brother who's a total
non-Disney-freak (we're polar opposites), we had a fairly good time. It's
got me eager to go back home to California though, strangely enough.

I haven't gotten much farther on my book, but I've managed to read a few.

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green is absolutely fantastic. If you
read it, you'll know why I sat down and read this sucker in one night
while I was on vacation and cried my eyes out. Beautiful.

BEAUTY QUEENS by Libba Bray. Technically I started this in July, but
 after a long hiatus, I finally finished. Hilarious as fuck and involves a
 lot of girl power (which we all know I absolutely adore in a book).

DISTANT WAVES by...I forgot and am too lazy to go look. I haven't quite
finished this one yet. It's merely meh, but still enjoyable nonetheless.
It deals with the Titanic which is a big plus in a book (my two "favorite"
historic events are the Holocaust and the Titanic. I'm a Holocaust Studies
minor...only because they don't have a Titanic Studies at my school). It's
got a lot of the supernatural and stuff so it's a bit weird.

I've found a few agents that I need to get off my lazy ass and send queries
to. I'll probably wind up doing that tomorrow.

Also, on Sunday, I'm running a marathon. OK, half of a marathon but
still. I'm ├╝ber nervous about it because my asthma has decided to
become a super bitch the last few weeks. Also, I'm only doing this
 to prove to myself, and people from my past who doubted me, that I
can do it. I absolutely hate running. People keep telling me I'll be addicted
once I'm done with this race and start running a lot of halves and full
marathons...somehow, though, I doubt this. Running is just not my
forte. But I will be on the hunt for a new form of physical activity.
Perhaps tennis, or something else like yoga. I just need to stay fit
without having to run. Haha.

And once that is over, I also have to be on the hunt for a new job.
I kind of have a job now, but it's just not working that well. As in, I get
no hours. I'll figure it out.

Yeah, so it's 11:30 PM, so I really should be going now.

I'll be back soon...probably when I'm in California once more.

--Chelsea

Monday, January 9, 2012

Lost: What I'm Looking For. (Also, New Book Stuff)

Howdy y'all.

How's life been?

I'm pleased that in about 46 hours, I'll be in Florida. Booo yeah. :)

I've had a pretty rocking last week-ish. I've been to karaoke twice with some really awesome people (words can't really describe how much I've learned to enjoy karaoke). I've been working on some queries for agents. Started a new book. Watched a million YouTube videos.

Wait, what was that?

STARTED A NEW BOOK?!?!?!

Yes.

But there will be more on that in a moment.

On top of that other shebang, I've been hanging out with my friends a lot. Just about everyday I've been doing something with friends, be it going to see the Muppets, taking them for college entrance exams, or just sitting on a couch and doing absolutely nothing. I've come to rediscover just how much I love my friends out here. Words cannot even describe my love.

And then I remember that I'm going back to California in 2 weeks and back to some really awesome friends. I know I've said this before, but these friends just aren't my hometown people. All at once, I want to go back to California...but I don't want to be away from my life here.

I'm very conflicted because for almost 20 years I've really wanted nothing more than to escape my hometown. And now that I've gone to the place that I've been dreaming of all these years...it's not quite what I really dreamt. Something's just not right and now once again I'm looking to relocate. Possibly back to my home state to the school where 60% of my hometown friends are.

But will that be right in the long run?

For some reason my favorite u2 song comes to mind.


I mean, I've done so much to get away from where I am from...but will I ever be happy anywhere? I know so many people who know exactly where they want to live and are perfectly content with that. They have lives planned out there. I don't seem to fit that mold.

For how much I talk about relationships...I don't see myself ever really settling down. And that's a scary thought because I genuinely want that. Things are a jumbled mass of confusion right now. GAH!

Anyways, that's my confusing thought for the week.

Next on the agenda.

I promised I'd talk more about my next book.

This one is a little strange. I've been sitting on the idea (which I cannot actually tell you) for quite some time. So I finally started pen to paper (ok, fingers to keyboard) this last week and started it. 

I'll admit, it's not even 3 pages long, but I actually like where it's going. Even though I've had a general plan of where I wanted to head with this...as soon as I started writing my characters took hold of the story. Things that I was set against have actually happened and they're leading me down a great path.

However, those of you who have been around since my last book remember that I was having trouble with the beginning. As in, "ok, how do I start out this whole big picture?" I'm a fan of prologues told from the third person (while the rest of the book is first person) however I felt the deep desire to write this whole thing in the third person (despite my utter hatred for that vantage point). An author never says no to her deep desires (this also applies to chocolate).

Anyways... So how do I start this book? No prologue this time. I will tell you that this story has one character that cannot die. He's, for lack of a better word, immortal. So he's been around for ages and ages, forced to live this lie of a life while he constantly deals with the pattern of time.

Here's what I have so far.

He stood overlooking the ocean on the cliff. Eyes closed, wind blowing against him as the storm whirled inland, head facing the heavens…he was at complete peace.
For this one brief moment, nothing bad could happen.
A drop of rain hit him square in the face, forcing him to snap back to reality.
It was coming.
The time was near.
Pushing back the memories that was straining to be let loose, he turned back and followed that same path back to familiarity.

And that's it for the basic intro. From there it goes on to introduce another character and we learn what exactly is coming, yadda yadda yadda.

What I want to know is this: Would this make you want to read more?

Keep in mind that I'm being EXTREMELY selective with what I've told you thus far and trust me there's a lot more to come that even I don't know. So I need to know if this is the right foot to start out on. Hmmm?

Please leave comments in the dooblydoo down on the bottom of this thing.

I probably won't be back until after my trip (unless I feel like blogging from a few thousand feet in the air) so I'll see you somewhere around the 18th or 19th.

Chelsea

Sunday, January 1, 2012

My Not New Years Resolutions...Resolutions

Hey people, guess what?




I'm exhausted.

Let me note that it's not even 1AM this time. No. It's 3:06PM. Like, midday.

Yup. Exhausted.

Gee, I feel like I haven't talked to you guys since...LAST YEAR.

Shameless puns aside, it has been a little while since I've actually talked to you guys (rather than using that wonderful copy and paste button thingy from my other blog type thing).

So, uhm, happy New Year.

I hope yours was as wonderful as mine was. Honestly. This is the first time I've actually gone out and partied til midnight (and later because, good California [although not in California at the moment] girl that I am went to In-n-Out at 1:00AM when the par-tay was over). And, so unlike me, I had fun at that party dammit.

Yes, I was sober.

Yes I still had a ton of fun. Deal.

I don't have any New Years Resolutions per se (the last one I had and kept was to lose weight in 7th grade...goodbye 50 pounds). However, I have some New Years "goals". Not the same thing.

-I want to see the world this year. Hopefully this fall I will be doing a special study abroad program where I go to 14-15 different countries in 5 months. I also have plans to go to Florida (next week, actually), back to California (which I'll be exploring more this semester), and then possibly going to back to the east coast for different events. If that's not exciting I don't know what will be.

-Get better grades which is a given. I really did terribly this semester.

-I want to start living life without regrets. Simple as pie. I'm going to take risks this year. And for those of you who know my boy debacle situation...I'm planning on taking a big risk on that at some point soonish.

So yeah.

There's also that whole thing about making a difference. But that's my forever dreams.

However, I'm starting to become closer to this through my writing. [OMG guys, get excited. This writing blog is actually going to consist of writing information.]

Just a few days ago, I submitted a query of my last book to an agent whom I've really admired for a long time. I mean, he's married to my all-time favorite writer (who isn't JK Rowling) and is the agent for one of my favorite series (that isn't Harry Potter). So really. He covers the same types of books that I write. Crossing my fingers that this turns good. But I'm not going to stop here. Goal for this week is to find more agents and submit to them as well.

I want 2012 to be the year that I get published. I mean, we gotta do this while I'm still young, right?!

A lot happened last year. I had to grow up a lot in a very short amount of time. From college, to moving out on my own, to my job, to taking trips where I'm the responsible adult, to having to lose my father, and so much more. I'm ready to kick ass in 2012.

How about you?