Tuesday, June 17, 2014


The title is ironic because I am morally opposed to the World Cup this year. But that's a different story entirely.

This blog actually has some purpose to it right now though.

As we all know, that this recent graduate has absolutely no idea what she wants to do with her life. I have no direction, other than the goal of being a wife and a mother. But I've gotten to thinking lately that that can't be all that's in it for me. For some reason or other, I actually have to do something with my life.

I have to prove myself.

I have to make my daddy proud and be better than my mother before me.

Isn't that every parent's wish? To see their children do better than them. It's already for me--despite not having children yet, or even a person who wishes to procreate with me. I want my children to do better than me, even though I am so young. I want them to have everything that I have not been able to have these past 21 years, including a fighting chance.

But in the mean time, I need to do something for me.

As we all know, I've been misguided for the past few years, having gone through a Creative Writing program that ends with "well, none of my students for XYZ number of years I've been teaching have ever had their works published". Seriously. That's the almost literal words of one of my professors on one of my last classes of 4 years of working towards this goal.

That's such a hard way to end at a school you seemingly wasted $200,000 of student loans on. And then when you graduate, you realize that you have 10 years to pay off all that money plus interest, and seemingly no job options because you definitely chose the wrong major to make any money off of.

I'd be lying if I said I haven't hyperventilated over this idea more than once.

But I'd be lying if I said that writing is truly what I want to do with my life at this point.

It isn't. Not anymore. I had 4 years of being torn down, being told I wasn't good enough by my peers, given little constructive feedback from my professors who would rather watch up grow on our own accord. I've been forced to write, rewrite, and rewrite the rewrite until I'm so fed up with the story becoming different from what I intended it to be. I've given up a piece of me. If anything I need a break. Or to write something for myself other than a blogpost.

Which is one of my new goals. I've decided to start writing at least a page a day of a new story until I finish. I've asked my friends to give me a prompt and I'm just going to start. I will start and then every day I will post it. If I don't, feel free to bust my balls. Feel free to call me out and say "Chelsea, you stupid whore. Write dammit!" I'm going to write a page a day until I finish something. And from there, we'll see where life leads.

But even if I do become a writer, that's not really a career. It can't be right now. I need some sort of goal in order to achieve something.

Which has led me to thinking about my passions. I've always said that I want to make a difference in the world. If only for something small. Then I began to think of all the changes at work that I'd love to see happen. Then I began thinking of all the input I hear from people I work with that rarely make their ways to the tops of the ranks because of a number of different reasons. Then I began thinking that someone needs to listen to these ideas, and maybe Disneyland might be a better place to visit and to work at.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

I've had this goal before, but I have lost touch with it, in and out, refusing to believe that I'm destined for this type of life. But the more I work, the more I realize that it is inevitable. My goals have solidified themselves today, at some point when I was sitting on the toilet.

I want to be a manager at Disney. More than that, I want to someday be the President of Disneyland.

That's a job. That's a possibility. That's a goal.

This is what I'm setting my sights on. Me and thousands of others. But, someone has to do it. Why not me? I'm strong enough, and I care enough.

There was a quote that I heard yesterday. "If you know what you ultimately want in life then every decision you make from this point on must be in service of that goal."

I'm making this dream my new goal. I'm going to do everything I can in order to achieve it. But I constantly must remind myself, that it is all about the journey, not the destination.

Maybe this will happen, maybe it won't. But I'm sure as hell going to enjoy life up every step of the way. As long as I have a goal, I have something to work towards. Something to fulfill myself with. But I'm not going to get upset if not everything ends up exactly as I plan it. I'm going to say "yes" whenever I can, instead of fighting against it, because you never know what's going to happen. Life is crazy and as soon as you get comfortable it tips you down the stairs and forces you to climb them all over again.

It might happen from where I'm at right now, or it might take time and a new approach. I might have to leave behind what makes me comfortable and start something new.

Who knows?

I certainly don't.

No one does.

And if you do, you should really tell me some things about my life that I'm curious about.

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