Tuesday, April 14, 2015


I've always said that all I ever wanted was to be good enough for someone.

Every single man I have ever had a romantic relationship has always left me for something better.

The first boy I ever went on a date with told me he liked my best friend.

The first boy I ever dated left me a week in for another girl.

The next one said he didn't want to wait, and got engaged to the next girl he met.

After that, I said I had strong feelings and 2 weeks later he was in a relationship with someone else.

Next came the relationship where I thought everything would change. He cheated on me once, tried several more times. Once a cheater, always a cheater so I have learned.

After that it was fun, but he stopped so that he could be with another girl who's came up at an opportune moment.

And finally, things were going really good. But apparently I wasn't enough to keep around with the stress of life.

My whole life, I've never felt like I've been good enough for anyone. For my friends, for my family, and for the men I've been with. And I've tried so hard. People think that my rough exterior, RBF, and salty humor means that I'm an angry and mean soul. But in all honesty, I'm trying to keep myself from getting hurt, again.

Because inevitably as soon as I start opening myself up to someone, show them who I am, give them a glimpse into my heart, they're gone by the time the sun comes up.

I know I've mentioned this a million times on here...but what's wrong with me?

What is it about me that makes me so hard to want to love?

All I want in this world is to love. I'm looking for that missing piece to that puzzle. And, as a good friend put it, "I'm so desperate to love that I try to make everything fit into that piece, no matter it's size."

What's so wrong with that?

What's wrong with me?

I'm not looking for much. Someone to laugh with me.

Someone to hold me when all I need is human touch.

Someone who will drink whisky and watch crappy movies with me.

Someone who will sit and actually listen to me when I talk.

Someone who wants me and only me with every fiber of their being.

Someone who understands that I might be difficult at times, but I will do everything in my soul to make up for that.

What's so wrong with that?

When will I be good enough for someone? More than that, when will I just be ENOUGH for someone, and don't leave them wanting more?

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