But before I go into that, I guess I should explain that I'm back in California.
So I came back Wednesday morning/afternoon. It was a pretty chill ride. I moved back in no problems and was all happy about being back.
And then it hit me. Boom. I was back in California. Ultimately alone. For another 5 months (and, I suppose, years to come). And I kind of came to the realization that I REALLY don't want to be here anymore.
Let me explain.
On Tuesday night, I was sitting with my mom watching TV while she paid bills (yay reality). Ever since my dad passed and we had to pay off a million things and lost income and I had a $50k tuition. I forgot if I mentioned it but I got accepted into a really good study abroad program where I basically get to go to about 15 countries in 150 days. For a girl who's never been out of the country EVER that's pretty cool (especially considering my last book took place in London...).
But here's the thing: They don't take my school's scholarships (which contributes to about 75% of my education fees). There's no way that I could afford it on my own. So I had to sit on the couch and tell my mom that my dream to do this program, the reason I came to this school in the first place...that I was willing to give it all up.
What a terrible lie.
Which explain why when I was in California by myself 14 hours later at a school that I didn't see a reason to be at anymore, where I have very very few friends, made me the tiniest bit upset.
And here I am. And here I'm forced to stay until I find the next place to wander to, hoping that that's the place that I belong.
And if not, then the cycle continues.
So promptly on Tuesday, I rolled out of bed, went for a quick 3 mile run, headed out to the pool (yes, in January...this is California after all), and proceeded to fill out 14 applications for jobs in the area. I turned in one application in person that day and got an initial interview which might lead to some good news in the next few weeks.
Then on Friday I handed out 4 more (only one was hiring), sent out another query letter, picked up my (half) marathon information, hung out at Disneyland for a while and that was a night.
Saturday=Disneyland and sleep (I was on old lady and went to bed at 7).
Which means this morning I woke up at 3 and proceeded to get ready for my half. Because it was at Disneyland and was called the Tinkerbell Half Marathon, I figured that wearing green was out of the question. So I was obviously Tiger Lily. And I pwned.
So I signed up for this thing in, like, June. And I've been halfassishly training because I really hate running. In fact, I only did this thing to prove that I could. Inhaler and all.
And now that I'm done, I'm pretty good. I'll find a new activity because running is terrible.
Here's my medal.
Isn't it shiny????
Anyway. I finished. I'm done. No more running.
Ok, I might do a 5k every once in a while. But mostly cuz those aren't timed.
True story, when I crossed the finish line, I really didn't feel any sense of accomplishment. My first thought was "ok, it's time to go home now".
When I did, I took off my Cancer Sucks wristband that I had for my dad. By finishing this race, I finished the need to have it.
Life goes on, after all.
School starts back up tomorrow. Despite me not wanting to even be here anymore, I'm gonna have to suck it up.
Hopefully things go better with the guy I'm trying to get the courage up to ask out and get to know better. No, I haven't forgotten my Not-New-Years-Resolution. (As a side note, though, things do seem to be going in a better direction already.)
Maybe I'll find a new dream. [Yes, that WAS a Tangled reference. How good of you to notice.]
We'll have to see.
As for now, I must leave you.