Monday, February 18, 2013

Red String of Fate

I don't know if I believe in soul mates.

That there are two people in the world, and no matter what, they always will find each other. It sure is a nice thing to think about, that there is someone in the world that is made for you. And that you're made for them. And everything about your hearts and souls is connected, intertwined, and that from the moment you meet each other, fate has taken hold and there's nothing you can do.

I'm a particular romanticizer about the Red String of Fate. It states that there is an invisible string that connects the fingers of soul mates. That the string, over time, can get tangled and messed up, but it will never break. And in the end they will always come back for one another. I think it's romantic. Almost as romantic as realizing that the stereotypical image of a heart comes from two human hearts being sewn together. Which makes sense why broken hearts look as they do.

But I just don't know if I actually believe in the idea of soul mates. Is there only just one person in this world who is meant for you? Or is there one perfect person for you at a time and then when you change, that person changes too? So when I'm 14 and innocent still, could Bob be the one meant for me (even if I haven't met him yet), but then when I'm 21 and hardened by life and heartbroken by 17 year old Bob who was changed by 15 year old Denise, is Steven my actual soul mate?

I do think that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that there are people that come into our life for a specific person. That there are people who come into our life, that are meant to come into our life, to give us some higher purpose. I believe that the first boy I ever fell in "love" with (well, I thought it was love at the time, but to be fair I was 16 and naive) introduced me to the best person in my life, my best friend, who I've yet to meet. That boy came into my life, ruined it in many ways, in order for me to find a higher happiness.

There are many cases like that, where things happen in order for you to gain a higher knowledge and appreciation out of life. I know why things happen. I know why I didn't move away for my first year of college, I know why I graduated high school a year early, all so that I could spend my dad's last year of life by his side rather than 1000 miles away at a school I couldn't care less about.

Soul mates seems like it could be a thing. But I have a hard time believing it because people change, unexpected things happen, but does all of this happen so that we can meet "the one"?

And what happens if you don't have a soul mate?

I met a guy in the early part of this year who was really nice, really kind. We went on a few dates. He was good and sweet and we had so much in common. We actually could have been something, I believe. That is, if I hadn't been changed by others I'd met before him. This new boy could have been the soul mate of 18 year old Chelsea, who wanted something like that.

But now, at nearly 20, I realize that that's not what makes me happy because the one of late that has made me happiest was the complete opposite. Not a nice guy, not sweet, and yet he made me realize what I truly think could be a potential. And so I ran from the guy that could have once been connected to my red string.

The Red String of Fate can pull, twist, tangle...but never break.

But do I have a red string? Because who I am now is different from who I am yesterday and who I will be tomorrow. Sometimes I think I should learn how to read palms, to see the love line and see if it intersects and runs together, or maybe my soul mate's line is broken before it meets mine.

Will I be alone and without a red string?

People say that I'm young and that I just haven't met the right person yet. Well, obviously this is true. But you begin to wonder at the age of 20 when you've never changed your Facebook status to saying "In a Relationship" ever, whether or not you ever will. And you begin to wonder when you'll finally give up. Because giving up almost seems like the better option after 20 years of being lonely. And how, after 20 years of living, and knowing all of these people, and loving your own life, you can't seem to find anyone who feels anything towards you in such a way.

I'm beginning to give up on the idea of a soul mate. At least a romantic one.

There are people in my life that I was meant to meet. There are people who I will be forever changed by, either in a bad way or a good way. In the end, it's all for the better. It's a matter of getting over the bad to recognize the good.

There will always be The One That Got Away.

There will always be the Beautiful Mistake.

There will always be regrets, or the one you should have looked closer at when you had the chance.

Some people then believe in The One.

The red string of fate can be stretched, tangled, and twisted...but never broken.

But what if it can?

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