Evil with a Smile

I'm a lot of things to different people.

To some, I'm just that girl who keeps mostly to herself.

To others, I'm a wild a crazy chiquita who can always make you laugh.

To my parents, I'm their intelligent, willfull daughter.

To my brothers, I'm the spoiled brat...who consequently had less growing up than they did.

Seems like a lot of things for just one girl. But, wait, there's more.

I'm a bitch.

I hope you don't mind my language, dear reader. It's terrible, I know.

But it's true.

I'm probably one of the few people in this world who can say "I'm an evil person" with a smile on their face and mean it.

I don't try to be this way. But I can't help it. I'm opinionated. Shoot me. And many people don't agree with what I say and believe.

And sometimes the same goes the other way around.

But how does this make me what I am? I'll give an example.

Recently, I've butted heads with a few particular people. We've fought and argued to no ends. Lies have been told from both sides. To sum it up, we didn't get along well but still continued the torture.

However, I was an unwilling participant in this communication. They knew I had no desire to be friends, but persisted anyway. And so...I played along. Going with whatever was happening, playing nice. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Then out of nowhere I would take them completely out of all areas of my life just when they thought it was working out.

Evil.

I'm a bitch, remember?

:)

What's the point of this rambling, you might ask? I don't quite know.

Perhaps I'm identifying with the main character in my book (which, sadly, I haven't written any more of in the last week...though I'm going to try in the next few days). She starts out a popular girl who throws people to the dirt when she doesn't get her way (of course, she'll change throughout the book). I'm what one might call a "method writer".

If my character goes through insanity, then I must experience it as well.

If they go through depression....well, I've already been there but you get the point

Perhaps I could be trying to figure out who I am. Dear Reader, I am of the age where we often believe we know exactly who we are and what we're going to be...but in all reality are in a hole deeper than the Grand Canyon.

I know that I am independent and strong. I have dreams of being an author and growing up happy and healthy.

But in all reality, I'm trying to discover what I am: Willful? A spoiled brat? The quiet girl? A bitch? A wild and crazy chiquita?

I'm all of these...and yet so much more all at the same time.

--Melody