Monday, May 16, 2011

Will I Lose My Dignity?

Enough of the girly girl talk.

Enough of relationships that aren't destined to be.

Enough of the college talk.

And enough of this feeling I've been holding on to for the last few weeks...

Yet it's this feeling that I can't seem to get rid of.

It's not the feeling that something greater is out there. No, that has all but disappeared. But in it's place...something else has arised. Deeply rooted and weighing me down at every turn.

I don't completely understand it myself.

At some points, I feel anxiety.'s not in my usual anxiety attack form. It's I want to talk to someone, but I have no idea what to say to get the conversation started, so I say nothing but hope every moment that they decide to talk to me.

But not always in that context.

Other times, it feels like I'm going crazy.


Perhaps I'm overly exaggerating things.  Maybe I'm having an extended anxiety attack due to all the changes going on in my life right now. Maybe I need to get back to writing in order to stem this flow.

In the musical Rent, there's a song lyric to the tune of "Will I loose my dignity/ Will someone care/ Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?"

While not exactly a nightmare, I'm looking for a way out and for help. I just don't want to loose everything in order to do so.

In other news, this blog has reached Germany. Hi!

Also, I recieved a very kind e-mail from a form of friend who's been reading this blog and how they enjoyed it. Honestly, it made my night better to know at least one person reads and enjoys this conglomeration of thoughts that I like to call a blog. If you're truly reading, you know who you are. Thank you.

Tomorrow, in lieu of having nothing to do lately...I'm going back to writing. Break is over...and the dark and edgy novel is starting once more.


1 comment:

  1. I have felt that miss placed anxiety before but my theory is we always deep down really know the cause. Sometimes it's good to pretend you are not yourself and examine your life. It's easier said than done but it always helps me.

    So in addition to having Psychosis you will have a split personality ;-).