Saturday, August 6, 2011

Runs, Ruts, and Hospital Visits

Welp, here I am, Dear Reader.

You'd think that the fact that I haven't been working and thus have absolutely no life would mean that I'm writing and blogging my little heart out lately?


Actually, my shot at summer has consisted of sleeping (I love this), running in the bajillion degree heat, some shopping, lots of movies (mainly drooling over Captain America's defined definition), and reading.

I make it a point to always carry a book with me at all times. When I was working, it would take me around a month to finish one book, if I was lucky (hour long lunch breaks really pan out to about 18 reading minutes). However, I've read a couple books already. "Dreaming Anastasia" (started out blegh, turned to meh) and "Annexed" (I read this baby in one night...could not put it down). Right now I'm working on "Beauty Queens".

I've been packing. I move in 16 days and it's scaring the crap out of me.

And I've been going to the hospital. Last Sunday, I was sent to the ER for chest pains...turned out to be nothing (maybe anxiety, see above point). However now I'm going under intense-like testing for my severe anemia. Again, could be nothing.

But my dad wound up in the hospital again.

I really hate bringing this up...but we should know by now that my dad was diagnosed with cancer in the spring. He's not fairing well. I'm really worried.

I can't express it in words much better than saying that I was bawling my eyes out tonight thinking about it.

Let's all think happy thoughts, right?


So I was running this morning, trying not to die in the intense heat. I was going my average pace down my every day route.

And it hit me. No, not a bus...a realization.

I'm stuck in a rut.

In running, I can't seem to improve one little bit. My distance sucks as does my pacing.

In writing, I keep going back to the same old stories, looking to salvage something. But I haven't been able to write anything really new or exciting. My brain is stuck.

I routinely drive the same roads in town, sometimes heading automatically to one place that I always go, switching lanes at the same spot...

I'm too damn comfortable with life.

In 2 weeks, everything will be changing. I will be moving to a new state, to a new neighborhood, changing all the people I know and will utterly be alone in the world.

Now if that's not some scary sh*t, I don't know what is.

So here's my goal: I'm going to start embracing life some more.

Taking advantage of every moment. Perhaps two runs a day, doing writing exercises to get my brain going, practicing my French, and getting used to getting out and enjoying life some more.


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