Monday, March 28, 2011

What's My Name?

Sometimes it seems inconcievable the amount of time we put into things.

For six years, I was in a theatre program under one teacher (mostly). She was my mentor and very much like my own mother. I knew everyone in her program, was friends with most of them too.

After six years, it feels like a very strong part of you.

Without that program, I wouldn't be who I am today. And one would think that that program would remember me...

But I graduated and left the theatre on a full time basis. Of course, I still visit occasionally.

But as time has passed, almost an entire year, I've slowly been forgotten. Some still remember me just fine, but it's never quite the same. Others have forgotten me entirely.

I knew things were going sour when my name was entirely left out of the program for their musical last semester: Not only was I their stage manager, but I had also been on the writing team for the script.

What brings things to an even worse level is when my old theatre teacher posts her own blog updates about her students. I'm pretty sure just about everyone else has been mentioned somewhwere...but I have been left out. Jealousy might play a part in this...but its still meaningful to me.

I'm slowly coming to the realization that I'm being forgotten before I even leave.

I'm the type of person that doesn't want their name to die over time. I want it to be known for generations to come.

Perhaps that's why I seek careers that seem everlasting.

I wanted to be an actress...our society remembers them as long as their works survive.

And now I want to be an author. In most cases, we never go out of print: It's still possible to read books from thousands of years ago.

The final premise of most of my stories is where the heroine discovers who she truly is. In the book I've just finished, she fights between the three different people whom she has been to discover her true self. In others, going for a cause helps them understand who they are.

It's the journey to self-discovering and keeping true to themselves.

But perhaps I'm really pulling from myself: In this life I've been trying to discover who I am. And once I do, I don't want to ever forget it. Don't want anyone to ever forget it.

I want to make something out of this life and have others know and enjoy it for centuries.

I don't want to be forgotten.


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