When Can I Stop Lying?

I was watching this movie the other day....

I don't remember what it was...

But one of the lines that stood out to me was at the end, the man was telling his new woman "I really love you. You're the only person I've never lied to..."

Oh, oh, oh, I just remembered. Just Go With It with Adam Sandler.

Good film.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Remember how we had a discussion earlier that I'm a bitch? Since watching this film...I realized something else.

I'm a compulsive liar.

I just can't stop lying. To everyone. My friends, my family, people I don't even know.... They get a strange mix of some truth and a lot of lies.

I can count 15 I told today alone. Multiply that by everyday...

It's a bad habit. I really need to stop. But the problem is I don't know how. I don't know how to get these stupid little stories out of my head, all of which make me seem like I'm a more awesome person than I actually am.

Ok, maybe in ALL TRUTH, I am pretty awesome. But here's the problem...I have a low self-esteem. A negative self-image. I'm always the enemy to my progression in life.

So I'm beginning to wonder, will there ever be a person that I don't have to lie to...ever? I'm tired of lying. I want to be myself, no matter how lame or awesome I might be.

Like always, I'm looking for that one person.

But maybe, along the way, I can learn to stop lying to everyone else.

In other news, I am amazed at everyone who came out and read my last posting. I used to be amazed when a post would recieve 10 or 11 views... But this last one had 34 within the first day. And then many of my other posts were read as well. Also, I want to give a big thank you to my new followers. Hi! You guys are so awesome.

Do you hear me? YOU'RE awesome!

Next in our line-up...I have writers block.

I've been working on my last book for so long, from finishing it, to editing, to rereading, to editing, to sending off queries... And now that I'm trying to sit down and write this next story stuck in my brain...it's like I've forgotten how.

I can't stand it.

But, you know what? I'm gonna make it through. No more 3 year breaks!

And I'm not lying about that. Really.

--Honest