Sometimes you guys take me too literally.
It's recently come to my attention that after my latest string of blog posts, many of you believe I'm exhibiting signs of depression.
Yes. And no.
Yes, because look at all that's happened in my life in just the past 4 months. I've lost my dad, moved 400 miles away from home, seen friendships dissipate, and many times feel awkward and/or alone. When I become sad about this, that is usually the time when I decide to write my blogs. Which leads me to my no.
I'm happy. I promise you, I am. I've been called one of the happiest people out there. I just can't help it. I do, on the whole, love life. Sure, it's not perfect. But that's what makes it great.
So when on that high off of life moment and find myself blogging about my problems, don't take me too seriously. I promise you, I'm fine.
The thing is, when I started this blog, I had every intention of remaining as anonymous as I possibly could. Sure, many of you found me through Facebook or Twitter...but there have been several others who've stumbled upon the blog not knowing me personally. Heck, I've met people on my FB and Twitter whom didn't really know me, and we've become quite close.
As time moved on, it became harder to remain this faceless writer. Remember, also, that this blog was meant entirely for me to let go of all of my pent up writing thoughts. I explored so many different subjects in the early days of this blog. But the more things that happened in my life, the fewer people I had to confide in, the more that this blog because a sort of literal journal versus literary exposé. And so I gave my name. There comes a point in this anonymous world where, in a 1950's hipster frame of mind, you find yourself needing some form of individuality, a break from anonymous. For me that was a name.
To be honest, I've begun to think about deleting this blog. Or at least to stop writing it.
Don't get me wrong, guys: I love this blog. I really do. Many times it has been one of the few things that keeps me going when times are tough. It's just a thought. No telling if I really will get rid of this or not.
Because I'm listening to John Mayer (we all know what this means...) I've been thinking. This time about all the "bad" people in my life. Old friends, general hated people, and even bad people in other people's lives. Throughout a life when you've been known to be bullied, harassed, betrayed, and stalked...there come to be a great number of these bad guys.
But while I was thinking of this...I began to look at the trail that they've each left in my lives. And I realized that they might have been terrible people, who come through and ransacked my life, and ruin whatever they leave...but there comes that point where you realize that you're going to be ok. There's something good that comes out of it.
In the immortal words of Walt Disney "A kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
Let's take some examples: When I was in 3rd grade, there were two new girls that came to my school. We became really good friends really quickly. However, one of the friends turned when we reached middle school, getting involved in drugs, fights, etc. She attempted to bring destruction into mine and the other girls life. And because of this, the other girl and I began to form a much stronger bond and I'm glad to call her my best friend still to this day.
Another example is of another good friend of mine. Through a string of events, she had a heart break. Before this, we'd known one another but hadn't been close. But through some act of fate, she reached out to me at that time when she was falling apart. We, too, grew close. We helped each other grow. And now she has a new love and together they're two of my favorite people.
One terrorizer so great has brought me to some of the best friends and mentors I think I will ever have.
There've been more. Many more. To the point that I can't even recall half of their names, but simply all of the good that has come out of it.
This gives me some confidence about life as a whole. I mean, I don't think that there's been someone truly bad that's come into my life and didn't leave me with something so pure, so precious that it's sometimes hard to even be mad at them. We all want to be better off in the end.
I'm beginning to discover that it does happen. When you're in the moment, at your lowest point, terrorized by those around you, feeling like you'll never be able to get back up again...remember that with every bad comes a good.
The light shines out the darkness.
We will all live happily ever after.