Friday, December 23, 2011

Where Are You Christmas?

I really couldn't start off this blog without the song from the title. So here ya go.

This is the kind of mood I'm in.

Christmas is basically a day away.

Our tree went up 2 days ago. I wrapped presents yesterday. There are no ornaments on my tree yet.

The house is completely devoid of Christmas spirit. Honestly, it feels like the holiday should be over a month away.

Where are you Christmas? And why can't I find you?

I'm feeling really down lately. Normally, this time of year I'm constantly happy, feeling the spirit of the season, loving everything. This year I've been nothing but moody, cold, and uncaring.

Nothing has meaning this time around.

Part of me thinks it's because I just came back from school. Everything has changed while I was away--my brother moved in, his girlfriend too, my room isn't really mine anymore, everything's a mess, I never see my mom, and gah. I just might not be used to the changes. Whatever. The other part of me thinks it's because of my dad and that nothing is right now.

I don't even know anymore.

All I know is that something's not right. It isn't Christmas. Not really.


This mood has made me rather cold and rude towards a lot of my friends lately. I mean, I've been going to party after party, but I've been neglecting many of them. Treating them like I don't want them in my life or that I DGAF about anything. It's not true. If you're one of them...I'm really sorry. I don't mean to. 

What's stranger is that in less than 3 weeks I'll be going to Florida to go to Walt Disney World. It doesn't even seem like that is anything special either. I mean, y'all know what a big Disney fan I am. So the fact that I couldn't care less. What's worse...I don't even miss Disneyland despite usually going three times a week or more.

There is no meaning anymore, it seems.

It's a strange feeling...yet I can't describe it any other way. I wish I could. I'm just rambling at this point because I simply can't decide where would be the best place to stop blabbing.

I guess right now.

I don't know, Dear Reader. I just don't know.

There's a hole in my chest, with nothing to fill it.


P.S. I'm sorry for the depression in your daily happy, cheery, sunshiny, holiday filled minds. Happy Christmas or Chanukah! 

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