Monday, March 28, 2011

What's My Name?

Sometimes it seems inconcievable the amount of time we put into things.

For six years, I was in a theatre program under one teacher (mostly). She was my mentor and very much like my own mother. I knew everyone in her program, was friends with most of them too.

After six years, it feels like a very strong part of you.

Without that program, I wouldn't be who I am today. And one would think that that program would remember me...

But I graduated and left the theatre on a full time basis. Of course, I still visit occasionally.

But as time has passed, almost an entire year, I've slowly been forgotten. Some still remember me just fine, but it's never quite the same. Others have forgotten me entirely.

I knew things were going sour when my name was entirely left out of the program for their musical last semester: Not only was I their stage manager, but I had also been on the writing team for the script.

What brings things to an even worse level is when my old theatre teacher posts her own blog updates about her students. I'm pretty sure just about everyone else has been mentioned somewhwere...but I have been left out. Jealousy might play a part in this...but its still meaningful to me.

I'm slowly coming to the realization that I'm being forgotten before I even leave.

I'm the type of person that doesn't want their name to die over time. I want it to be known for generations to come.

Perhaps that's why I seek careers that seem everlasting.

I wanted to be an actress...our society remembers them as long as their works survive.

And now I want to be an author. In most cases, we never go out of print: It's still possible to read books from thousands of years ago.

The final premise of most of my stories is where the heroine discovers who she truly is. In the book I've just finished, she fights between the three different people whom she has been to discover her true self. In others, going for a cause helps them understand who they are.

It's the journey to self-discovering and keeping true to themselves.

But perhaps I'm really pulling from myself: In this life I've been trying to discover who I am. And once I do, I don't want to ever forget it. Don't want anyone to ever forget it.

I want to make something out of this life and have others know and enjoy it for centuries.

I don't want to be forgotten.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

How did that happen?

I was hanging out with some friends the other day. One asked where I planned on going to school next year and then where I was right now (apparently she couldn't remember).

I told her community college.

The first thing out of her mouth was "Wow, I really expected more out of you...."

To be perfectly honest, so did I.

This got me thinking about how much things have changed over the past few years. Two years ago, I was in a musical, not really giving much thought to anything in my life. College was something of the distant future and I didn't have to worry right now...

I knew I would be going to a four year university anyway.

It wasn't long after that when I started concentrating more on schools. Over the summer, I focused in on a few. And when the school year started, I found myself jumping ahead by a year. College was now only a year away, rather than two.

I knew what school I wanted to go to. A good four year school in a great part of the country. All was going to be fine.

Then, things went sour. That school was out and I was left with the choice of a four year school that I detested or community college. However hard it was, I chose the latter. It was absolutely devastating.

Two years ago, I let others take care of me. I played auto-pilot, allowing the technical things take over. I was absolutely clueless to anything in life.

A year ago, I got a job and found myself paying bills and making decision. But still, I took care of little all by myself.

Two years ago, I was dreaming of the day when I would finally have a boyfriend. But I never believed that anyone would ever ask the likes of me out.

Last year, my heart was in a state of confusion and disrepair, having been abused.

And now I look at all these things today and I's not that bad.

I might be in community college...but I'm working and have gotten two scholarships that will allow me to pay off university. I even find myself despising that four year school less and less.

I have a job and am paying for things by myself, going to doctor's and interviews and bank meetings all by myself. I don't know how or when it happened, but I've grown up.

Today, I was asked out on a date. I said no (the guy is...strange...).

Things have changed so much in the last two years without me truly realizing it. And you know isn't half bad.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Shut Your Trap

So right now I'm in a contemplative mood.

Listening to John Mayer always seems to do that to me. Here...listen along, dear reader.

Anywhom, as we listen to this song together, I'll tell you what I've been thinking about....

I need to learn to shut up.

No, really.

Somehow, over the past few days, so excited by the finishing of my book I've managed to tell half the world about it. Oh yeah, did I tell you I got my broken flash drive back (fixed) and it's officially finished? Right now, my darling friend and official editor has it in her grimy little hands. Very, very excited to start getting some feedback and to look for representation.

Anywhom, yes, I need to shut my trap about it.

I know what you're thinking: "It's your baby. You worked on that thing for 1263ish days. You should be proud about it. Tell the world!!!!!"

But...when I do...they tend to ask what it's about. As you know, dear reader, I've told you absolutely nothing about my "baby". You have no synopsis, little clue to what it's about, the names of the characters, or the world that it takes place in. You don't even know the title! And, as I explained, I do that for a reason here...the interwebz have a habit of leaking things. Well, in the so called real world, I don't want to tell too many people about it either.

"Buy a hard copy," I say. Really, I'm just waiting to get this sucker copyrighted.

When you have a child, you wait as long as possible to protect it from the slime in the outside world. Manuscripts can be described in the same way, I suppose.

Anyway, this is what it looked like just before it went off to my dear friend.

 The black spots are the title and my name. So ha ha ha. But it wound up being an official page count of 318 (1.5 spaced, 12 pt font), 38 pages, and 2 parts. A monster of a book. In case you can't tell what cover I decided on, here's a refresher...

You know, before I started I had another thing that I wanted to talk about. Hmmmm....

I had another literary contraction today. It used to be that I got them at least once a day, maybe more. But for so long, I've been devoid of them almost completely. So having 2 within a month's period is pretty dang awesome.

This one, rather than being dark and edgy, is more of a historical fiction thing. Actually, it takes place in 2 different time periods: Now and in the Ancient World. Sort of a parallel of worlds. I dunno. It might not be that great, but it's good to sort through the crap in order to find the diamond.

That wasn't even what my other idea was...but I suppose it will do it for now.

Oh yeah! I had an interview for a new job yesterday and to quote, they are "very interested" in hiring me. And the best part's at a bookstore. Could you imagine a better job for me?! I think not.

Well, other than the writing thing...

I hope you enjoyed the music.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Land of the Free?

I've been pondering a question for some time now.

Do we ever think of how we treat some people?

We pride ourselves on being a nation of the free, a big melting pot where people are always welcome.

But for years, we had slavery of African Americans.

For years, the Irish were mistreated.

Puerto Ricans were abused and thrown into slums.

The Japanese were put into internment camps.

For a nation of such freedom, we surely have a lot of vices against others. But this thinking hasn't come from absolutely nowhere. It came from, once more, my Bollywood addiction.

This time the movie was called My Name is Khan. Surprisingly, it's not a musical. Rather, it's about a Muslim man from India. He has Asperger's Syndrome. But when his mother dies, he moves to the U.S. There he meets a beautiful Hindu woman who's been married once before, then divorced. The more they get to know each other, the more they fall in love. All is happy, right?

9/11 hit. A country devastated, furious at whoever did this. Muslim extremists. However, every woman who wears a head scarf, every man who spoke with an accent, and every child with dark skin was targeted...even if they were non-extremists or Hindi. Khan's new son is constantly abused in school. And as parent's are sent overseas, their children find more and more fury towards this Hindi boy. Long, sad story short...he is killed. An innocent life taken because of people's inability to see the difference between good people and bad people. (The story continues, but isn't quite pertinent.)

But theirs wasn't the only story like this. All across the country, the same thing was happening to perfectly innocent people. And I'm sure in the stories from above, of the Irish, P.R.'s, and Japanese...the same sort of sad tale can be had.

We, a supposedly accepting country, find ourselves unable to understand people who aren't exactly like us in every way, shape, and form.

It can happen on a much smaller scale as well.

High school.

I know, this is a long post.

Remember a few weeks ago I told you of my literary contraction: My new, dark and edgy novel? Well, it too deals with the way that we treat people.

If you go around an average high school, gossip will be all around you. People will be talking about other people. It could be good. But most generally, it isn't.

You'll laugh at one girl because she weighs too much.

You'll sneer at another because of the way she dresses.

You'll make fun of one who, it seems, dreams up all these impossible things.

The same can be said for guys too.

But the thing is, we hardly ever think about the person before we do whatever terrible deed. We don't know how she's been raised, what type of world she grew up in, how many people who were so close died, or how she struggles so much because she's being pulled too many ways. And this girl, or boy, could be dying on the inside, dreadfully heartbroken. Perhaps wishing she would never live another day.

This is the main subject for my new piece.

Stop to think before you make a judgement.

You might be accusing someone of being something that they're not--a bad person rather than a good.

You might be the last straw before someone decides to pull the trigger.

We need to learn to be openminded about everyone and accept them for whatever, whoever they are.


Monday, March 14, 2011


On September 27th, 2007...I sat in a Cracker Barrel and saw a shooting star out the window. Instantly, the writer inside of me saw inspiration in that moment.

1,263 days passed.
180 weeks flew by.
109,123,200 seconds disappeared.

And last night, 3 years, 5 months, and 14 days later...that inspiration was completed in the form of a book. To some, that might seem like a long time...but for about half of that time, this story laid absolutely untouched. Today is the "official" start of Spring Break. Technically, I made my deadline.

It is finished.

I'm kind of speechless of what to say about it. It grew into much more than I had ever expected it to be. And while I'm still missing some very large chunks, all of which should be in my possession this week, I know that my life blood and soul has finally churned out something...good.

So what do I do now?

1. Wait. I have to wait until my flash drive information finally comes back to me. Hopefully its today.
2. Put it all together. Two copies of one thing must be consolidated.
3. In the meantime, I might as well do my Engliish essay that I've been putting off. It's only due in a few days and all....
4. Give it to one of my best friends. She's my editor and has this amazing vision of the way some things should be written. I want her to be my publisher. Which brings me to...
5. Research literary agents. There's one based in California that I think is a perfect fit. But 2 failed publishing attempts have taught me to do my research and find the right agent. And submit to many.

But for now, I'm going to sleep. I've pretty much gone without for the past 4 or 5 days. So for now, I bid you adieu. I will return though.

6. Start my new book.


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Tastes Like Epicness

My last posting was a bit overdramatic.

Well, sort of.

I've found a cure for my broken flash drive (leading to 50ish missing pages that I simply cannot duplicate). The angels in question are those at For a $150 fee, I was able to send them my broken flash drive. I should get an email in the next few days with my entire book ready to download.

In the meantime, I can continue writing with what I have (in bolded words so that a copy and paste will suffice).

Relief is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world.

But other things in my life have been going crazy over the last week as well.

My laptop is having problems with the internet on/off all week. Every day its something different. Now, my computer is only 5 months old and it shouldn't be having ANY problems. But this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

I'm never, ever, forever, never buying a Dell again. Biggest waste of money. Ever.

Secondly, I got into a car crash on Tuesday on my way to school. Basically, I couldn't brake in time as I was pulling into a lane and I did my best to avoid them, but I still broke the tail light lens from their car. Mine was not so lucky and is currently sitting in a repair shop somewhere a few cities away, waiting to get fixed.

Good News: No one was hurt, though the passenger in the other car went to the hospital for health tests (she was pregnant). But the most serious result of this was whiplash.

Which leads me to the Bad News: My back seriously got messed up. My spine is already pretty crappy, but this made it about three times as worse. I think my hips are misalligned and I keep getting these splitting headaches and such. Par for the course, I suppose.

My birthday was yesterday. Yayyyyy! :) It was a fairly relaxed day. I went to breakfast with my parents, brothers, sis-in-law, and 2 nephews (so basically it turned into organized chaos). Then my best friend in the world came over and we went to the local Renaissance Festival (no--we did not dress up) and then she spent the night. We had a lot of fun just catching up and :)

Other than that, nothing much new has happened.

Actually, that's not true.

Since the flash drive fiasco of February gave me a brief moment to step back and think about not only this book, but a future one. An idea struck me!

Yes, I had a literary contraction.

My first in about 3 years. I'm not going to talk much about that project other than the fact that it will be dark and edgy. Something very, very modern. In the past, I've written mostly fairy tale-like story. This is my opposite end of the spectrum story.

Right now, though, I'm going to work full force on this project. I'm so close that I can taste it.


And it tastes like epicness.