Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Dear Other Women, Don't Derp This Up!

So I just wrote a post on Tumblr and was kind of proud of it. So I've decided to use it as this blog. This is your intro, now go!

The most recent TT on Twitter is #GirlsShould.

I was browsing around the tweets and and amongst all the ones about how girls should “talk less and give more head”, I noticed this little beauty.
I mean…really?!
Look at who tweeted that! A girl, probably no older than 20. If you can’t cook, you’re useless.
Well, as a nerd, who is also a girl, I tend to disagree.
You see, women were blessed with this beautiful thing called (wait for it) A BRAIN. We’re perfectly capable of using it. However, it seems that many girls, like @colorrMEbaddd seem to choose not to use it. I mean, really. She spelt “color” and “bad”, two of the most basic words in the English dictionary, completely wrong. And the emphasis on “me”? I’m pretty sure lower case letters would’ve worked just find.
But that’s not my point.
Yes, I understand that for hundreds of thousands of years, the typical stereotype of women was that they should stay at home and do the cooking. But you know what? That’s as dead as the rest of the culture from the 50’s!
Women are constantly fighting this so called “duty” of womanhood where all they should be able to to do is cook, clean, and push 10 pound lumps of flesh out of their bodies. The truth is, today’s women are capable of everything—we’ve gone to the moon, we’ve run public offices, we’re some of the best lawyers, we save lives as doctors and surgeons, we write fantastic novels (using our own names), and do whatever we want.
WHY in any world should we, with having all this knowledge, all of this drive and success, be absolutely USELESS if we don’t know how to cook?
I’m a woman. I can’t cook without setting my kitchen on fire. Does that make me less of a woman?! No. No it doesn’t.
I’m not afraid to use my brain. Not afraid to break these ridiculous social stereotypes that the world has set up for us as traps to fall into like generations before us. Women have always been strong, no matter what history tells us. But our generation is amongst the first to be able to celebrate and show off this strength.
Don’t fuck it all up for us, girls. Even if you can’t spell “color” correctly. 

-Love, Chelsea

Friday, December 23, 2011

Where Are You Christmas?

I really couldn't start off this blog without the song from the title. So here ya go.

This is the kind of mood I'm in.

Christmas is basically a day away.

Our tree went up 2 days ago. I wrapped presents yesterday. There are no ornaments on my tree yet.

The house is completely devoid of Christmas spirit. Honestly, it feels like the holiday should be over a month away.

Where are you Christmas? And why can't I find you?

I'm feeling really down lately. Normally, this time of year I'm constantly happy, feeling the spirit of the season, loving everything. This year I've been nothing but moody, cold, and uncaring.

Nothing has meaning this time around.

Part of me thinks it's because I just came back from school. Everything has changed while I was away--my brother moved in, his girlfriend too, my room isn't really mine anymore, everything's a mess, I never see my mom, and gah. I just might not be used to the changes. Whatever. The other part of me thinks it's because of my dad and that nothing is right now.

I don't even know anymore.

All I know is that something's not right. It isn't Christmas. Not really.


This mood has made me rather cold and rude towards a lot of my friends lately. I mean, I've been going to party after party, but I've been neglecting many of them. Treating them like I don't want them in my life or that I DGAF about anything. It's not true. If you're one of them...I'm really sorry. I don't mean to. 

What's stranger is that in less than 3 weeks I'll be going to Florida to go to Walt Disney World. It doesn't even seem like that is anything special either. I mean, y'all know what a big Disney fan I am. So the fact that I couldn't care less. What's worse...I don't even miss Disneyland despite usually going three times a week or more.

There is no meaning anymore, it seems.

It's a strange feeling...yet I can't describe it any other way. I wish I could. I'm just rambling at this point because I simply can't decide where would be the best place to stop blabbing.

I guess right now.

I don't know, Dear Reader. I just don't know.

There's a hole in my chest, with nothing to fill it.


P.S. I'm sorry for the depression in your daily happy, cheery, sunshiny, holiday filled minds. Happy Christmas or Chanukah! 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I haz obsessions.

Sometimes I have to stop and take a deep breath and realize all the shit I've been through over the last 4 months.

4 months and 11 days ago, I lost my dad.

Since then, I've been a whirlwind of action and emotion. I moved to California, completely restarted my life, lost many of my friends, was forced to make new ones, and was left relatively alone. Oh, and I also had a full course of stressful college work to boot.

There really hasn't been a single day since August 9th where I haven't been stressed, running around like a chicken with their head cut off. Or an emotional wreck. Or on top of the world. Or...a million things. I've been constantly, constantly, constantly moving.

Welp, last Thursday was my last day of the semester. I drove home right after I got out of my final and proceeded to sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

Guys, I'm tired (and that's not just cuz I've had 2 sleepovers in 3 days...).

I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally tired.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

This is the first time in 4 months and 13 days that I've actually been able to sit down, breathe, and reflect on everything that has happened.

Mumbo jumbo.

You know, I completely lost my train of thought. I, ya know, wanted to blog seeing as I haven't been able to do it in a few weeks. But now I....hmmmm.

In other news, I've become completely obsessed with Big Bang Theory as of late. Like, to the point where I've watched a season a day. It's a little disturbing. But I love that show.

Also, I've been rewatching all of the Star Wars movies (possibly inspired by the above obsession). I've been living so long without real TV stuff that I've kind of been horking it down since the stress level went down.

Ahhh. :)

Oh, also, it's 5 days until Christmas. This is cool. Except for the simple fact that I live in the desert so it's not really your typical Christmas season. I hate snow, though, so it's cool.

I swear I had more interesting stuff to say....

I guess this was just a short and simple update to tell you guys I am not deleting the blog (although apparently no one cares seeing as I got no response from the last post).

See y'all later.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Living Happily Ever After.

Sometimes you guys take me too literally.

It's recently come to my attention that after my latest string of blog posts, many of you believe I'm exhibiting signs of depression.

Yes. And no.

Yes, because look at all that's happened in my life in just the past 4 months. I've lost my dad, moved 400 miles away from home, seen friendships dissipate, and many times feel awkward and/or alone. When I become sad about this, that is usually the time when I decide to write my blogs. Which leads me to my no.

I'm happy. I promise you, I am. I've been called one of the happiest people out there. I just can't help it. I do, on the whole, love life. Sure, it's not perfect. But that's what makes it great.

So when on that high off of life moment and find myself blogging about my problems, don't take me too seriously. I promise you, I'm fine.

The thing is, when I started this blog, I had every intention of remaining as anonymous as I possibly could. Sure, many of you found me through Facebook or Twitter...but there have been several others who've stumbled upon the blog not knowing me personally. Heck, I've met people on my FB and Twitter whom didn't really know me, and we've become quite close.

As time moved on, it became harder to remain this faceless writer. Remember, also, that this blog was meant entirely for me to let go of all of my pent up writing thoughts. I explored so many different subjects in the early days of this blog. But the more things that happened in my life, the fewer people I had to confide in, the more that this blog because a sort of literal journal versus literary exposé. And so I gave my name. There comes a point in this anonymous world where, in a 1950's hipster frame of mind, you find yourself needing some form of individuality, a break from anonymous. For me that was a name.

To be honest, I've begun to think about deleting this blog. Or at least to stop writing it.

Don't get me wrong, guys: I love this blog. I really do. Many times it has been one of the few things that keeps me going when times are tough. It's just a thought. No telling if I really will get rid of this or not.

Because I'm listening to John Mayer (we all know what this means...) I've been thinking. This time about all the "bad" people in my life. Old friends, general hated people, and even bad people in other people's lives. Throughout a life when you've been known to be bullied, harassed, betrayed, and stalked...there come to be a great number of these bad guys.

But while I was thinking of this...I began to look at the trail that they've each left in my lives. And I realized that they might have been terrible people, who come through and ransacked my life, and ruin whatever they leave...but there comes that point where you realize that you're going to be ok. There's something good that comes out of it.

In the immortal words of Walt Disney "A kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

Let's take some examples: When I was in 3rd grade, there were two new girls that came to my school. We became really good friends really quickly. However, one of the friends turned when we reached middle school, getting involved in drugs, fights, etc. She attempted to bring destruction into mine and the other girls life. And because of this, the other girl and I began to form a much stronger bond and I'm glad to call her my best friend still to this day.

Another example is of another good friend of mine. Through a string of events, she had a heart break. Before this, we'd known one another but hadn't been close. But through some act of fate, she reached out to me at that time when she was falling apart. We, too, grew close. We helped each other grow. And now she has a new love and together they're two of my favorite people.

One terrorizer so great has brought me to some of the best friends and mentors I think I will ever have.

There've been more. Many more. To the point that I can't even recall half of their names, but simply all of the good that has come out of it.

This gives me some confidence about life as a whole. I mean, I don't think that there's been someone truly bad that's come into my life and didn't leave me with something so pure, so precious that it's sometimes hard to even be mad at them. We all want to be better off in the end.

I'm beginning to discover that it does happen. When you're in the moment, at your lowest point, terrorized by those around you, feeling like you'll never be able to get back up again...remember that with every bad comes a good.

The light shines out the darkness.

We will all live happily ever after.


Saturday, December 3, 2011

And You Thought I Had Something Interesting to Say.

So right now I'm chillin' under my bed in this neat-o taquito fort I made all by my lonesome.

Roomie is out with friends.

Other friends are out with...other friends.

I've been watching Big, Bang Theory for the better part of the day. When I haven't been doing that, I've been reading some On the Road.

By myselfness.


It seems like that's how I've spent the past week or so since I got home. By myself. Generally bored. Granted, I was doing homework like a maniac once I got back, writing papers and catching up on reading. But somehow, miraculously, the only thing I have left for the rest of the semester is studying for finals.


I'm so bored. Because I'm a boring person, I guess.

It kind of sucks. Not gonna lie.

I had the time of my life going back home for Thanksgiving (well, for the most part). I was constantly surrounded by people, mostly friends. It was wonderful.

And then I come back to California and I find that I really have no one. I mean, there's a few...but for the most part I'm just kind of chilling all by myself.

Pathetic, right?

I mean, it's not like I chose to be this way. I have friends. We just generally lead different lifestyles so they're always busy when I'm not. Most people would say "Well go make more friends" and I constantly have to remind them that I don't function like that.

I mean, I don't.

Don't think I'm trying to pull this whole "oh, poor Chelsea" act. I'm not. Because honestly I've come to accept the fact that I do and will spend the majority of my time by myself. Most people my age can go out, either to a party or something else, and make instant best friends with 30 people. I can't do that. It takes a while for me to be friends with anyone because I have to find a connection, have to be able to trust them.

I don't not trust a single one of my friends. Once I stop trusting one, they're blocked from my life like that.

Similarly, I don't not have a connection with any of my friends. There's some strand of our personalities that are completely like each other in the not-annoying-but-omg-i-can-always-talk-about-whatever-i-want-with-you-and-be-ok. I can't just me "meh" with people and see them when I see them.

They mean more to me than that.

Guys, I love you. :)

My point: I'm alone a lot of the time out here because I haven't been able to find many of those people that I just instantly jive with and jiving has continued.


I think I had some sort of point to prove with this blog. But I'm pretty sure I lost it. :-/

Welp, my lack of interesting-ness is over with so until next posting, keep cool.