There are so many things I could be doing right now.
I could be cleaning and organizing my room.
I could be doing my French and International Relations homework that is due tomorrow.
I could be doing shopping for things I still need for my room.
I could be running.
But here's the funny thing--I feel like blogging. It's a bad habit to get into at the beginning of the school year: To be doing this rather than other things that need to be done. But whatever. It's college, I do what I want.
I don't even know what I want to blog about. I just feel like typing this out and we'll see where it goes.
Hmmm...over the last few days I've been going through a variety of emotions. Not as extreme as the last two weeks, but still there. My dad is almost always on my mind. On a few occasions, I've burst into tears thinking about him. For instance, my mom said she found something of his from several years ago. I was going along fine until BAM...face filled with tears. And again last night when I was watching a "He's Just Not That Into You" and Jennifer Aniston's dad has a heart attack.
It's weird. I know it was recent (4 weeks ago as of yesterday) but I didn't expect to be going through these strange periods of highs and lows.
I'm starting to get more and more into school. Met a couple new friends, went to one party, like a few of my classes, started applying for jobs, and tonight I have the first meeting of the English Honor's Society. Trying to get involved as much as I can. I know I can do it this semester, but the rest of the year and 2 years after, I'm not so sure about. I guess I'll have to figure it out as time goes by.
Ok, here comes my quarterly "girly moment" (Fall 2011 edition).
If you've read my last post ("So There's This Thing"), then I mentioned that I was currently in "like" with someone.
Yes, it is true.
Over the course of this blog--this is the third "like".
The first two didn't work out for their own reasons. And I'm ok with that.
This one might be a bit different. I don't know.
I don't even have his phone number.
All I know is that the one friend I have that's met him too says she thinks he's "showing signs of being totally into [me]".
I'm terrible at relationships, I've decided. Never really ever having one, I don't know what it takes to be in one and how the whole "courting" situation goes. And especially in this day and age when girls can ask out guys...I'm just really confuzzled.
I wish people were clear cut about this. If I had the balls to walk up to this guy and say "Hey, I like you. Maybe we could go out" I totally would. But I'm old fashioned. Plus, I never know if they like me back.
So, really, I wish that they would just be a man, waltz up to me and say "Hey, I like you. Maybe we could go out." Dude, if you read this, and you like me, just freakin' tell me. I'm not saying that I'll say I like you back, but to be able to know without all these false pretenses going on would be great. And it would satisfy my need for old-fashionedness.
Apparently I'm now becoming of the age where several people that I know are starting to get married. My best friend and I were talking about this on the phone the other day. Within the last year, 5 of our friends have gotten engaged or married. I know at least 2 others that probably will within the next year as well.
As for me, I'm scared of getting married. I also mentioned this on my last post. I don't want to become this new person if/when I get married. I don't want to have all of my goals and things I hope to achieve be completely thrown off course.
I need a guy that understands and supports that.
I'm not making much sense to myself. I've been lacking on sleep, apparently. So let's finish this off like any good English student, shall we?
All in all, I'm happy with my life as of this moment. There may be things that I wish, like family that lives closer and more friends, but I'm content in my lifestyle. Perhaps this guy will admit that he, too, likes me. Every body loves a happy ending, don't they? The happiest ending I could ever imagine is to be content with my life, achieve my goals as a writer and person, be with my family, and maybe--just maybe--find a guy that will want all the same things for me, him and us.
Girly moment over.
Back to French and International Relations.