Thursday, September 29, 2011

On the Edge of...Something Symbolic.

There's so much I wish I could explain in this blog. Sadly, it's public and most of you come from Facebook or Twitter. And you know me. So it's awkward. Oh, and the stories (like guys, and funny dumb people, etc) revolve around you.

Sorry about that. Just take it as a compliment. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

I wish I'd brought my journal with me from home.

You might not know this, dear reader, but ol' Chelsea here kept a journal everyday from May 23, 2007-sometime in summer 2010. It has everything in it: Starting from my first lead role in a play, to my years being depressed and suicidal, to finding my way out, what I thought at the time was love, secrets, dreams, writing, my first and second books...

When I say everything, I almost literally mean it. I had 3 journals and they filled up fast.

I wish I'd brought one with me. I really could have used it post my Monday night post. See, I kind of had this anxiety attack of sorts.

My heart has been racing for the past 3ish days straight. Starting sometime on Monday I began an anxiety attack that lasted all that day, the night, and then Tuesday. Wednesday it was fine.

But I got up this morning and there is was, racing again.

So much has been happening.

School and life in general have been enought. But once you add the whole boy dilemma I've been facing...

It's all so very overwhelming.

And I don't know what to do.

But at the same time I want to take it all in. I want to experience it all and explore my options and start living this life.

With all that's been happening, there's a certain feeling I can't seem to shake.


It's like I'm waiting on the edge of...I don't know. The edge of something symbolic. Anyways, on the edge I feel like I can teeter so many different ways. But, I know that once I do fall, something big is going to happen (if your something symbolic was a cliff, then will not be death. I hope).

As John Mayer would say I'm waiting...waiting on the world to change.

Something big is going to happen.

I can just feel it.

Now let's end with something entertaining.



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