Oh. Oh my.

Okay, so first off...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!! Boo!

Secondly, my roommate is in the shower so this might be my last chance update (cuz I need to take a shower and go to sleeps and such).

Tomorrow...which starts in approximately 50 minutes...is November. If y'all remember my last post (or if you even read it cuz Blogger is telling me that it has 0 views...sadddddd) then you'll know that I'm doing NaNoWriMo.

Starting in 49 minutes (11:11!!!!!! make a wish!!!!) I will officially have no life again.

Between school, work, social life (haha, it doesn't exist), more school, and writing 50,000 words...I'll pretty much be living as a hermit. I looked it up, and I don't think blogging counts as word count. Which is really sad.

But it's incentive.

Chelsea needs to write this book (or two...). And I need to try and get 175 pages of it within the next 30 days.

Y'ouch.

Gah.

So...dear reader...what's up?

On a personal note, things started looking up a bit for me last night/today. It was Halloween and I got to work and I did arts and crafts and gave out candy and my costume was awesome and I watched Tower of Terror and used the word and a lot. Long story short, after my bathroom flooded yesterday morning, things didn't suck so much as they did the past week.

I hope this means that this next month kind of rocks.

That'd be nice. (:

Anywhom. I really don't know what else to say. Other than NaNoWriMo is in 43 minutes.

Oh. Oh my.

Sorry if updates kind of suck over the next month. Y'all were along for the ride when I was writing my last book. So this will be a lot like that (with the ranging moods and insaneness, etc) except a lot more compact.

Have I mentioned I literally go nuts when I'm writing a book? Like, seriously. I get too emotionally invested. Which is both a good and bad thing. Well, I guess I should refrain and say that it's only if what I'm writing is really good.

This will be. I promise.

Maybe you'll get hints along the way.

We'll see.

So, HAPPY NOVEMBER!!!

Chelsea

Mental Breakdown and Commitment

Guys, I'm listening to John Mayer.

This is never a good sign.

In the mind of Chelsea...John Mayer=deep, pensive and usually upset.

Here, you can join in.

Remember last post when I was describing my bad mood, etc? Welp, in the last few days...the shit has literally hit the fan. The mental breakdown has officially begun.

Nothing, absolutely nothing is going right.

If I weren't at least somewhat committed to the Creative Writing program at my school then I'd be done, gone. I would transfer schools next year...but where would I go?

I don't belong anywhere, after all.

It's funny because I just realized that the characters of all of my books always feel like they don't belong anywhere they go. In their hearts they know there's a place...but they don't know where that is. I used to believe California was my calling. Now I'm missing home, but that isn't right either. So where is it? I dunno.

So what's got Chelsea's goat?

Life.

School (see above), friends (being indecisive and flakey or not calling me back), boys (oy vay), family (miss 'em), writing (belch), reading (I miss it being my recreational sport), people (just in general)... It's all just a jumbled mass of nothingness that's gripped me by the throat and won't let go until it's ripped out my throat.

Too much? Yeah, I'll agree with that.

As I was telling my journal the other night, I just want somebody to give me a big hug and tell me everything is going to be okay (even if it isn't). Someone that I can just lean my head against and feel instantly better. Yeah, THAT kind of someone. But in my current mood and based off of lack-of-experience thus far...I'm beginning to doubt that it will ever happen for me.

"I can't stop loving you, can't stop loving you, with half of my heart."

So why don't we move on to another subject, shall we?

Several of you have been bugging me about writing lately. Well, luckily November starts on Tuesday. For those of you who don't know, November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short). The basic premise is to start writing on November 1st and have somewhere around 50,000 words by midnight November 30th. They don't have to be from one story or have a clear, concise idea but it's one hell of a challenge anyway.

Starting at 12:01 AM on Tuesday I'll be starting on it. I've had 2 books with a fairly strong theme that I've been wanting to write since I finished my last book. I'm hoping that I'll be able to commit to it and actually be able to get some good stuff. Hopefully I can fit in the whole 50,000 in around school and work and life. Based off of the last few days, I figure this will be good for me.

I dunno.

I honestly don't know anything anymore.

Chelsea, over and out.

What's Wrong With Me?

More and more lately it seems like I'm not sure what to do.

I'm making friends...but not socializing.

I'm miss my best friend...but we have nothing to talk about on the phone anymore.

I want to start writing...but everything I try comes out sounding terrible.

I want so badly to scream, to shout, to do SOMETHING. Something that will make me feel.

Because here's the thing...I don't know if I'm feeling anymore. I don't know what I'm doing at all.

Honestly, I'm holding back tears here and I don't even know why. Why am I feeling sad? Am I even sad? What do I want? I don't know.

Through all of the new people I'm meeting...I honestly don't get the feeling that any of them get them. Then I'll call my friends from home and talk to them on Skype. These are the ones that I understand. That I feel like I can be myself with and not have to worry about what I say and how stupid it comes out because they'll say something as ridiculous.

I want that here with me.

I wish that I could transplant all of my friends from various parts of the country and just bring them into my dorm and it would be amazing.

A lot of you are my readers, I'm thinking. You hear that? I MISS YOU.

I'm looking at moving out of California in the future. Short term, I'll stay here. Possibly do a study abroad program for 6 months to a year to get out. Finish undergraduate and from there... I don't know what. I've been debating grad school in New York. But it doesn't seem worth it to me. I'm tired of school. I'm ready to get out there and face life. Writers write. And writers can write from anywhere. Maybe London. Venice. Somewhere where I belong.

Ultimately my point in this whole post is that I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

At home, the people were right...but the atmosphere wasn't. Here seems to be the opposite. However, despite yearning for this life for so long, I'm beginning to think LA just might not be for me.

I'm lost.

And my writing. I mentioned this a moment ago. I've been wanting to write. And I have been on some degree. Actually, I wrote 10 pages of a short story for my Creative Writing class. But when I got close to finishing it...I hated it. So it went into the handy dandy "Trash" icon.

Everything I'm putting out lately has been crap. Even my grades are turning to crap.

It's like, in the months since I got out of my first year of college and now, I've lost something. Both physically and metaphorically. I mean, I lost my home, my friends, and most importantly my father. Metaphorically, it seems like my inspiration has withered away. I have all these books in my head that I'm trying to write...but I can't seem to find the will to do them.

ajfdbwru9pfkjbdsbgnfklsadfjhbgfasdfifhrgfnasifougihuprewojflnjkdbghi'sapodjnshgfuosif;lkgfnbewafisjebhsdfajnmsdfdubafdsiouofhbweat84r9wefpijktbrnweafdmueyuigy4hb5tkgrio8yuhib4jrgklbu8dbiak;jwlr/stzdfxhgux;dbjksa4kletrghidfnuboijkr4ieorts;ta4Atsuisotrjktlghf;ljkstr

There. That helped a bit.

I'm just wondering what's wrong with me. Something is. But I just can't put my finger on it. I just miss my dogs, my dad, my life, my inspiration, and the friends I care about so dearly.

Depressing blogger, over and out.

--Chelsea

Wait for it...

Ahhhh.

Yes, dear reader, that was the sound of relief.

Of satisfaction.

Of a job well done.

As other adjectives that I really don't feel like googling.

Currently, I'm chillin' in bed. Comfy sweater on, lights out, Josh Groban on.

Take a listen dear reader:

 Ok, it's a sappy song. Get over it.

Anyways. Why am I so comfy and satisfied?

Because midterms are, for the most part, over. I can finally breathe. Over the past week, I've been studying French nonstop, while also writing literary theory essays, reading 17th century absurdism, discovering business general business techniques and relating them to Disney, AND studying the reasons that liberal democracies often don't go to war with one another.

BORING!

But it's all over now (with the exception of the rest of the semester but still...).

I can't chillax.

Which brings me to my next question.... Sup?

What's up with you reader? I know none of you will ever reply but still...let's pretend I'm interested in what you're doing (I'm kidding. I really am.)

...That was a  really dysfunctional semi-paragraph....

So, step one in my chillaxing came after classes were over today. I went to Sally's Beauty Supply and bought hair dye (again). Can I just say how much I LOVE Sally's? Seriously, I walk into that place and feel like a sorority girl on acid.

Step Two was going birthday shopping for my bestest friend. She's gonna love me.

Step Three: Dye my hair (again). Came out AWESOME. Seriously.  I feel like singing "Part of Your World" and jumping around in a green skirt and purple bra (neither of which I own, btdubs).

Step Four: Checking out fashion designs online. There's this person on Tumblr called disneybound and her shit is off the heeezy. Ok, for those of you who don't speak whatever that was, her stuff is super cute!

Step Five: Chatting with some friends via le interwebz. I don't think I've been on Skype more today than I have been ever before.

Step Five-point-Five: Hand writing a letter to my sister. The OLD FASHIONED way (hence "hand writing"). Also 5.5 because there was some time lapse between the acts of 5 in which I did this.

Step Six: Blogging. Ya hear?!

Step Seven will consist of me watching Hulu until I can't stay awake any longer. Well...at least until I feel like I can adequately function for my 9 AM class tomorrow.

And then staying up until 3 AM the next morning.

Because Step Eight of chillaxing is me going to Knott's Scary Farm which closes at 2AM Saturday morning. Good stuff. :)

Needless to say I will be dead on Saturday, which is great because I'm going to a sorority (SALLY'S!!!) party until 2AM Sunday.

Ahhhh...life.

Anyways, not much has happened on the path to writer's salvation. Actually, nothing has happened. I need to write more and start contacting agents and stuff.

(Ok, my room smells like popcorn. Apparently someone is baking in the kitchen below me. Sorry, random thoughts and observations.)

I haven't been to Disney at all this week and probably won't go until November. Which is weird because November is seriously a week and some change away. SCARY (ironic because it's October...month of haunts).

Can you tell this is a dysfunctional post?! Honestly, I'm not writing with much purpose right now.

Wow, how symbolic. Writing without purpose.

Ok, I think we're good. Expect more blog posts from here on out til finals starts (you've got a good 6-7 weeks). I'd apologize about the lack of symmetry on this post, but I'm acute and don't really care.

Puns, so many puns.

Off to the Hulu-mobile!!!!

<3 Chelsea

Let's Go on an Adventure

It's 12:25 AM.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm still awake.

Ok, that's not true. I do know why I'm awake.

Sigh.

It's been a while, dear reader. The last week...well, it's seemed a lot longer than it actually probably has been.

1. I have midterms next week. I'm freaking out because I legitimately don't feel like I'm prepared for any of this stuff. In previous years, I've gone into midterms and finals without even feeling the need to study. Usually, it's NBD.

I think I chose my classes poorly this year.

Usually they all relate to one another (geology and anthropology; psychology and sociology and philosophy).

But this semester I'm taking business, international relations, writing, lit traditions and french. I feel like I'm all over the board and nothing relates. Hopefully this is the end of my GE's so I can get into the nitty gritty Creative Writing stuff and be happy.

I'm just under a lot of stress with the obcene amount of reading I have to do in my Lit Traditions (200ish due per class day) and how far behind I feel in French 201 (considering I took 101/102 in high school with a less than satisfactory teacher).

To sum it all up: asdhfksjadlfdsgfsdaklfiohfoweahfoaehr89ewr90weurjsdbfvhksbflksd;ljfsdh

Pretty much.

2. Lack of sleep (see previous text).

3. Missing my family and friends a lot. It's Parent's Weekend at school right now. So on top of having to see everyone and their mother (literally) with their dads...I also have to go without my own family.

4. I'm going to Disney a lot to get over the previous 3 things. Kind of counteractive. However, I went with my friend from high school/fellow blogger Hope today (she works there as a DCP). It was pretty awesome. Hope and I haven't really hung out since I was a high school sophomore/junior (strange thinking about that cuz I'm now a college Sophomore) but it was nice just to be with someone from home who I didn't feel like I had to explain my whole life story to. She and I have the same sense of humor in a way. I don't know...it was just nice.

5. My school friends and I aren't exactly meshing at the moment. Too judgmental.

6. Boys. Always boys. I've pretty much given up on main boy. I don't want to...but I feel like I'm just gonna be hurting myself in this whole process so I'm just saying no. On top of that, I have a sneaking suspicion that there are 2-3 others who have interest in me. I don't know who reads my blog (BECAUSE NONE OF YOU COMMENTED ON MY LAST POST--BAD READER) so I'm just gonna have to keep my fingers closed tight on this matter. Let's just say I don't know #1 well enough to judge, #2 would never work out, and #3 probably wouldn't either (despite my wanting it if it ever could). Anyways, that's a bit of a stressor on me.

However, there are other good things happening.

1. I have an audition on Sunday. Super freakin excited. And I think I might be able to do it. More info after everything is said and done.

2. If I don't make it into the thing that previously mentioned audition is for, then I might be going to Florida for interterm in January with my mom.

3. I discovered that not only does interterm last for 6 weeks...but I also get a few extra days because of my awesome finals scheduling. Yay. :)

Anyways...this is a lot of typing and I just feel like going to bed. Hopefully I'll be able to blog again after my midterms are over with.

Peace and sleep.

Chelsea

Jumbled Thoughts From Javajavajava Filled Mind

Helloooooo, dear blog followers.

True story: I just had coffee.

We all know how this ends.

Another true story: When I'm bored I looked at the lovely statistics Blogspot provides me about my readers. And, oh ho ho, are they interesting.

Actually, no they're not. And the fact that I'm bored enough to the point that THAT is the most interesting thing I can think of doing is a bit pathetic.

Anyways...

A lot of you are from Twitter. Which is pretty cool. And kind of weird considering most (nearly all) of my "real life friends" aren't on my Twitter (not that those of you who are aren't my friends...I just don't go to school, etc with you and/or haven't actually met you). Anyways, most of the rest of you guys are from Facebook.

HOWEVER...there are some of you that come from goodness knows where. Apparently, there's quite a few on "Farmgirlforfreedom"'s blogspot.

There's a ton of you from some weird online student website that I've never heard of.

And Russians. Lots of Russians.

Sooooo, dear readers, I'm curious: Where do you come from? Contrary to popular belief, you do NOT have to make a blogger account to comment on my posts. So I need all of you to comment on this and tell me where you hail from.

Because I'm curious.

There's a lot of other stuff I could be doing right now. For example, I have a huge paper due in approximately 5 days that I really haven't done much with (it was assigned the first day of school...). I could be doing that. I could be...doing French homework. Reading for International Relations. Uhhh...pretty much anything but this.

However, right now I feel like doing three things.
1. Blogging [Check]
2. Playing around with my new Mac (my last computer crashed...don't worry, the writing was backed up this time) [Check]
3. Going to Disneyland [Working on this one...but I work tonight. Hopefully my friend ditches her next class]

So as for things I need to do...really none of it is being accomplished. However, the things I WANT to do are doing quite pleasantly.

I don't know what's wrong with me this semester. Throughout all of my educational career, I've had no problems getting to work on my stuff. Getting homework done, acing tests, being on top of it all and having a social life.

But since I got here...well, I have yet to get an A on anything. Not that many of my assignments weren't A-worthy...but I always seem to get chastised by my professor by putting TOO MUCH on my test/paper/etc. So I'll get a B+. Or my Creative Writing teacher, aka--The Snooty Perfectionist, who gave me a b+ on my jaw-drop-worthy piece because it wasn't how he would have written it.

Uhm, hello... I'm the author here!!!

Speaking of authorship, I need to work on getting agents. I have a new list going, but I need to do some more research into the area and start sending out queries. I'm trying to get picked up by the end of the year.

So let's add this to the 'need to do' list.

I've been getting a lot of creative inspiration lately (if you remember my Literary Contractions...). But with all the stuff aforementioned...I just can't find the time or the peace of mind to sit down and write it all down. Last Monday I actually got a bit of a chance because my work (as a Student Technical Advisor) is pretty chill so I can sit and not do much but homework and writing. So far.

Yes, I still do feel like I'm the edge of something symbolic.

And, I think I'm going to Disneyland. Like, right now.

So everyone comment on this.

[Check] Chelsea

P.S. Welp, five minutes later and I guess I'm not actually going. Blerrrrrgh.

Up in Smoke

The villians are taking over Mickey Mouse's dream!

Headed by the evil Maleficent, several bad guys turn fairy tales sour. Pink elephants dance, pirates fight, princesses get...well the princesses aren't really affected.

But my point is, evil reigns.

And it's up to Mickey to save all the good guys.

He confronts Maleficent who gets all PMS-y and turns into a dragon. Mickey, being classy, stands up for himself and stabs her with his magical sword (without even looking!).

And, it a burst of smoke, Maleficent is no more and fairy tales come true ever after.

While this Disney theme park show might sound a little fantasmical (aha, puns...) it still relates a lot to life. Well, at least mine.

There's something most people don't know about me.

When I was in a futile "relationship" and attempting getting over this kid, I had a book full of letters that I'd written to him, valentines, texts we'd sent, and IM chats we'd had.

One of my best friends had a similar book for her guy who was similarly a douche.

We were depressed.

We were also pissed.

Just outside of our part of town was a road that lead to the river. So, one day, we took our books and went down by the water and set fire to our books.

There's something so relieving about seeing all this stuff that used to mean so much to you burn to cinders. Despite the smoke, it was a breath of fresh air.

This act was also illegal, btdubs.

Recently, my roommate got these pieces of paper that you're supposed to write a wish on and set them on fire and watch the wind carry them away (imagine the lanterns from 'Tangled').

We decided to do this together.

But me, being me, fudged it a little bit. I wrote a few different options--the things like boys, money, and stress that have been bothering me lately--on the piece of paper.

A Choose Your Own Adventure type thing, if you will.

So we went outside our room to the outdoor hallway, took the matches (also illegal, btw) and set them aflame.

And these wishes, things I needed to get off my mind, also went up in smoke just like the wishes and happy moments turned bitter that was in my notebook.

Let me tell you, I'm pretty sure all those wishes came true...but not in the way I had planned them at all.

Boys: Welp, got asked out (hence last weeks anxiety attack). But not by the guy I like.

Work: Got a job. That one's pretty straightforward. Sure, it's not at Disney and is kind of not the best but I can live.

Stress: Honestly, I don't remember what I put for this one. So we'll just say that it's taken care of.

As a note, I'm not trying to turn you into Pyromaniacs (don't be Trashcan Man).

My point is, just like Mickey made Maleficent disappear and happy times to come by stabbing her, it is possible for us to get rid of our problems by just taking a stab at getting rid of them. If we let them known, and sacrifice them to the powers that be, then we can all be dancing princes and princesses on a boat. :)

--Chelsea